Diary of an involuntary celibate: PART 1

It's been 2 years since I last had sex. Yes it has been that long. Not because I lost interest or because of one health reason or the other, truth is I just lost it. I wonder if I ever had it in the first place. I have doubted myself more and more with each passing day. I figured out my problem a few months ago. I couldn't seem to seal the deal, I was always stuck in the unwanted zone of friendship, the initial flair that attracted the ladies seemed to die out after a few dates, actually after the second date. I just became boring and what promised to be a blooming romance died even before it could smolder.
I couldn't seem to trace the origin of my problem though the last lady I dated was not really the origin, I however noted the events that led up to my dating her. Her name was Esther, and before I dated her, I was on a mini draught. I just broke up with my high school love Oyin. We had dated for about 3 years before she found out she was too good for me. She got a job at one of the biggest audit firms in the country and moved to the high brow areas in the city. We both lived in the same town but seeing each other became a burden. So she dumped me for no reason and my friends Victor and Hassan scouted Esther after 3 months as a suitable replacement. Esther was sweet and lovely and the sex was good but I found out I had forgotten how to woo a lady or seduce her. I never had to seduce Oyin, she loved sex and was very open about what she wanted and when she wanted it. I and Oyin had sex on the 2nd date of our official dating and it had been very frequent after that. With Esther I faced the rude shock of how unskilled I was at seducing the opposite sex . Most of the flings I had while I was with Oyin were either her friends or girls who saw Oyin and wanted to steal me away from her. Oyin had a way of making me look more desirable. No, I wasn't a saint with Oyin but I was discreet in my affairs. Truth is I really missed Oyin and wanted Esther to be her or at least the sex should be like Oyins but it wasn't and I didn't know how to ask, never had to ask with Oyin and I guess I never really learnt the tricks.
So its been 2 years since my last sexual relationship with Esther, the one and only sexual relationship I had with Esther before she left town and I never heard from her again and now I am at girlfriend potential number 13 and I think I'm beginning to genuinely like her and now I am getting myself prepped for the disappointment of failing to seal the deal yet again. What is a man to do?

GENDER EQUALITY AND THE REGULAR BRUHAHA!!!

EQUALITY: from a mathematical or scientific point could be argued to be more than a mere substitution, so the ‘equal to’ sign or the ‘=’ was invented to indicate that whatever is on one side of the ‘=’ is exactly the same as what is on the other side. In theory, this is easy to appreciate when 3 is equal to 2+1 and stuff like that. In reality and more often in human beings, it seems to be just a non-pragmatic view. ‘all animals are equal, but some are more equal than the others’, that is from the Animal Farm by George Orwell, but this isn’t about animals or humanity, it is the battle of the sexes that has been going on for ages. Some say men are superior and are branded chauvinist while those who think otherwise are simply branded feminist or plain ignorant.

I was asked a while ago if I believe in gender equality and I replied with a resounding NO! Does that make me a non-feminist or a chauvinist? May be but what equality are we talking about? Equality as humans? Of course, I do not think any human is superior simply based on their sex; I however think and believe that all females are equal and all males are equal. To begin to ask for equality between the male and female gender would simply be to start asking who is a better footballer. A keeper who saves 50% of the penalties shot at him or a striker who scores 50% of his penalties.

Are men the same as women? Are they both wired in the same way? You may argue that both can do similar things and all that, but the fact is that men are predominantly dominant, and women are not. Men are more aggressive; they had no choice in the hormones that flow in their blood as the females too will argue. Menstruation, PMS, pregnancy, labour and child birth, menarche, menopause, men have no idea how it feels to go through all these in one life time, some, more than once in a life time, but they have their own cross one of which is not physical but mental, EGO.

Men are not equal to women, never have and never will and it isn’t because of the men are up there but simply because they are not in the same field. If a woman wants equality with a man, she should ask why she has to ask for equality from a man. Women are not below men either they are just not equal. In science we have the equality signs. (=) equal to; (>) greater than (<) less than, (≤) less than or equal to;(≥) greater than or equal to(≠)not equal to. There is only one relationship in terms of equality between the sexes and that is simply NOT EQUAL which means that they should not be equated ever.

If you can argue that they should be equated then you should prove to me that they are the same. Asides from the singularity and unity of humanity, men are from mars and women are from venus. That is 2 planetary bodies revolving around the sun at different orbits.

3 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT JULY (ALREADY)

The month of July ushered in the 2^nd half of the year and a lot of promise. Many would argue that this year has been tumultuous and unpredictable with many trends disappearing and our girls still missing. The unrest in some parts of the country and the world indeed doesn’t seem to abate but it may seem that the worst has past. However, 3 things have already occurred in the month of July to indicate a trend that would seem to persist till the near future.

1.       The world cup. Predictable or unpredictable? No one can comfortably bet that they have foresight into the outcome of any of the remaining matches, both in terms of score line or in terms of overall outcome. With the Netherlands thrashing of the defending champions to the surprise inclusion of Costa Rica and Colombia in the elimination stages, few would bet that the host, brazil would be getting a football tutelage at the hands of the Germans but that is why this world cup has in its right being coined the best one yet.

2.       The embers are approaching (ember month). And with them the high crime rate, already stealing and robbery have been on the increase and that can only be checkmated by the security forces who we have concluded in our minds are ineffective. The missing girls may yet return and the bomb blast may halt or reduce but the general security within our borders still is a bother. Community policing however is a sign of hope. If it is successful in Lagos hopefully it would be implemented nationwide and maybe we can start feeling at home in our country.

3.       Hope is high. And why shouldn’t it. The 2^nd half gives a seemingly new start to everyone and the outlook is like the first of January albeit without fun fare and parties or holidays. Most people would like to look back and correct the mistakes of the first half or improve on it if no mistakes were discovered, but the general consensus is one of optimism. That seems to be the way to go even in the face of stiff opposition and harsh criticism, optimism smolders the flame of hope and second or new chances as the case may be.

So the second half is still in its infancy and a lot can still happen. We are going to see a new world champion come the 12^th of July and it wont be brazil or spain or Nigeria, but it will be a glorious final.