START STOPPING: the oxymoron of the season.

As opposed to “stop starting” which is for quitters or those in the process of evaluation or re-evaluation, start stopping would be seen to be a more positive venture into the gradual cessation of a habit or vice. 
Vices, we all have one or more. The reason for having a vice could differ with individuals but at some point, one may choose to stop or desist from a particular vice, either temporarily or on a more permanent base when the senses are functioning to their full capacity. I encountered a young man recently who claimed to have all the major vices of an ordinary man, drugs, alcohol cigarettes, women (sex) and the life of the party even when he could not afford it. He asked me to choose a vice for him, one which he would not give up because as he said “every man needs a vice”. He asked for my opinion and I gave it to him and then I asked myself, “What vices do I have?”, and more importantly, “what vices should I give up?”. Many people around the world during this season of lent will seek a vice to do without and many people (cynics and critics) would argue the essence of dropping the said vices and habits during lent only to relapse and go back to them after Easter. Why give up alcohol or smoking, sex or any other bad habit for 40 plus days only to be seen repeating them sometime after Easter? Some would dare to question, “who are you deceiving?”. Well, the answers would vary as to why you or anyone else should stop a habit for a period of 40 plus days especially during lent as the church would encourage her members to do and these answers would suit people differently but one essence of the period of lent is simply to start stopping these vices, dropping them one by one and gradually till the addiction and allure of such vices no longer ensnare the perpetrators.
Sometimes, starting is the hardest aspect and the vices seem bigger than they actually are because we are so used to living with them that we can’t imagine living without them. The trick is, as we all are in the period of dropping vices, together we start stopping and get strength, not only from within but from seeing others in the same struggle with vices and giving as good as they got to stop.
It will be gradual and painful but let the season be one where we start stopping our vices and long after the period of lent keep on stopping whatever vices till we have overcome them or it as the case may be.

How to get inspiration (FOR THE BLANK MINDED ARTIST).

Every form of art is traced to a source or multiple sources of inspiration. However, most creators of art or “artist” as some would love to be called draw blanks, literally and figuratively. Inspiration seems to desert them when they seem to need it. This is the worst thing that can happen to any creator of art. What is an artist without his art? Can you be called a singer without a song or a painter without a painting? Most established names in the arts like Leo da Vinci and Pablo all had a variety of sources of inspiration and these sources of inspiration were not easy to come by, some were just at their doorstep while others were so distant that they had to move their entire equipment to the site of inspiration. Getting inspiration in this present day seems a major task for many a creator of art and most people who claim to be artist just steal other great artist’s works and claim the credits for a work they can barely explain. The beauty of the greatest works of art lies in the revelation of not only the technique of execution or the attention to detail and perfection but importantly in the source of inspiration.
For artists who are struggling with inspiration, here are a few tips on not only how to get inspiration, but also how to stay inspired.
1. Eyes on the prize. If the goal of your art is money, fame or immortality, keep that at the fore of your mind. Motivation will inspire you.
2. Get high. For some that could mean taking a physiological stimulant, and others it could be a psychological stimulant, however stay away from lethal doses of any form of stimulant except you do not intend to see the rewards of your art.
3. Stop and stare. This could entail looking what other artists are doing in your area even if they are not in the same field as you are. Stop and appreciate other forms of art and submerge yourself in their work, music, painting, architecture, literature, whatever they do.
4. Thou shall not discriminate!!! Inspiration is what you seek and it can be found anywhere. Do not think less of a place, situation or person as they could be your next source of inspiration.
5. Have you heard of patience? Yes, she will test your resolve and if you have her, you might as well have a free pass in the halls of Aso Rock. Sometimes it is just a matter of time before the next big thing shows up in your mind.
6. Boundaries? Discard all of them, inspiration resides just outside your boundaries.
7. Relax! Tension is toxic for you and more importantly, for inspiration, let go of all anxiety its unnecessary and a waste of energy.
8. Read my blog over and over again!!! Yes and other blogs, as many as you can. It is like you having a sneak peak into peoples minds, mine inclusive.
If you know anyone who is in need of inspiration and seems lost, do that person a favour and recommend this blog (and other similar blogs). This is inspiration haven and it is not as hidden as Atlantis, just let them have access  to this fountain of inspiration and to the other blogs that inspire mine and watch the world become a better place.
Now, go out there and JUST DO IT.

TAKING A LEAF FROM THE ARSENAL FANS

I have tried and tried to hold myself back from ranting and I think the time for silence is over, not as if those who need to hear this will read or implement what I write hear but we can only wish and hope that it would do some good to the other aching hearts out there that bleed as red as mine. It would be overstating the issue however that this season in the self-acclaimed “best league in the world” that for the first time since my football watching IQ had developed and the passion for the sport has caused many a quarrel between myself and a number of girlfriends and family and roommates, I actually have no reason to look forward to watching my beloved team every other week. I would have been consoled if the only problem was inconsistency or injury or even cluelessness but I dare say that the red mancunians who have, for the past 2 decades have thrived on excellence have a more harmful enemy, mediocrity. I pray for the sake of my love that I am wrong but the one time great team, recently managed by the legend, Sir Alex now looks more average than most sides without being able to gather any momentum whatsoever, on and off the pitch. I hope Moyes is the man for his own sake because managing a club like Manchester united is no mean feat and his failures this season only go to highlight how legendary and epic the feat of SAF has being for the past 20 years. I can imagine the players listening to a half time talk after a dreadful first half performance, after being accustomed to a brutal hair dryer for many years listening to the new manager who has no pedigree locally or in Europe. Rooney might be thinking “what does he know about winning championships?” and Ferdinand , “this is school boy basics mate, we need more”. We all know what Vidic has being saying “he can’t do any better than he did at Merseyside”. This might be early days for him and the results so far speak against him, he may have time and like Brendan Rodgers begin to build a side many would argue are already past their prime, but if the recent managerial sacking doesn’t get to old Trafford soon, many a Manchester United fan would like to take a leaf from arsenal fans and know that for the next decade or so, we shall embark on our days in trophy wilderness.
The BPL trophy could head to London, that I would hate very much or to the red of Merseyside which is not entirely impossible but for the trophy to remain in Manchester , some (myself inclusive) would argue would be deserving of a Manchester City side brimming with goals and one of the most lethal attacking line ups in Europe. One thing is for sure, arsenal fans have tried and Manchester united will not win a trophy this season.
MAY THE BEST TEAM WIN!!! 

HOW TO AVOID BEING "YABBED" BY YOUR PEERS

Yab (slang): (v) making jest or fun of someone usually in a fun way e.g. basket mouth can yab. 
The art of yabbing has being a source of social integration among men so much so it stands as a ritual of some sort for recruiting or initiating strangers into the league of friends. Among men who have known each other for a while, this is very common. Men, unlike females do not take offence when being insulted by their peers especially in  a social and friendly gathering, this makes yabbing acceptable but it could be a problem when what they say seems more believable and it starts happening too often. The irony of yabbing is that any thing or person can be used to yab you. Your girlfriend, job, body feature, failures or even success can be used to yab.Yabbing is a part of most conversations involving young men and is often restricted to ‘members’ of the park. The fact remains that to survive in these circles of friendship you have to grow some sort of thick skin towards these harsh words thrown your way. Most would liken yabbing to psychological bullying among grown men. To completely avoid it is often impossible and could result in ‘expulsion’ from the park or a general coldness of your men towards you and violent attacks or physical assault is often punished by a group beating. In these sceneries, the weakest or smallest member of the park yabs a much bigger friend to the point of infuriating him and he loses his cool and wants to attack this minnow who has defeated him in a simple mind and word game. This stage is usually nipped by other members and a brief moment of reflection commences before the routine yabs begin again. However, to avoid being the yabbed most, here are a few tips.
1.Silence is not key. Keeping quiet in these situations doesn’t help much. Its like being in a boxing ring and just resort to receiving all the punches your opponent throws at you.
2.Evade as much as possible, look for other members who are worse than yourself with respect to the topic of the yab or can be potential prey for the next line of attack.
3.Laugh out loudest. This would throw your attacker of balance for a short period while others would be shocked and join in in the laughter session
4.Yab yourself first. This is the oldest trick in the book. If you use your flaws against yourself, no one will be able to use it against you.
5.Make sure your retorts and response and short and direct and as much as possible more hilarious than that of your attacker, you would have scored more points using fewer seconds to yab than to spend a whole minute and ending up with a dry joke. Be mean, aggressive and merciless when responding, if need be, hit below the belt. This is not a fair game so don’t play fair. Include words like "thick" and "hefty" to buttress your point.
6.When you notice everyone is on your case, escape, excuse yourself and take a breather. By the time you return, the attention would be on something or someone else
7.When such gatherings are anticipated, encourage your friends to come with their girlfriends or spouses, men tend to behave better in the presence of their significant other. You would encourage a yab free gathering, especially when you have no aces up your sleeve or you are just not good at yabbing others.
8.Observe all your friends closely and take notes, exaggerate their flaws and mimic them in the worst possible way and that way your yabs would hit home faster. Be graphic and explicit.
9.Blend in with the lead yabber at any point, side with the winning team, if they are not your favorite person, when you attack, it is sure to penetrate deeper and be as shocking as any surprise attack.
10.Finally, do not take a yab personal. It’s just fun and if you can’t handle it, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. If you don’t want to be yabbed, do not yab others (or laugh when others are yabbed).
Till the next we meet on “HOW TO”, stay yab free and happy.

Much ado about Valentine's day.

Its Vals day, and the town is literally red with heart shaped decor adorning every office, shop and street. Young couples battle with what to buy for their existing lovers or potential lovers. This day is a day to make an impression. The sex or should I say "love making" preparations are mind blowing and is on as we speak. The days leading up to Val and the days after are very intense for young couples and lovers. Most elderly people and those in religious positions of leadership have questioned the so called celebration, but that won't dampen the spirit of the youth who are all about the love they want to express.
So, love is in the air and all lovers want to be loved. Even if you don't have a lover, or are not in a single relationship, if you have one or more suitors or lovers, if you got a gift for that special person or from that person or both, do not let the show of intense affection and love cease after today. I guess most will nurture their love and let a solid relationship bloom from today. To existing couples, it is no competition to out do your lovers ex or to expect to be swept off your feet today by your lover or spouse.
The rave is on, radio gingles and star studded shows are on display. Take your love to a memorable occasion today. And if it is love, it will be as beautiful as it should be. Most however promote the strong resemblance of love, LUST.
Unleash your passions and desires, let the fire of love engulf you and your partner(s) and follow the trend. It's just a day for wild and uninhibited romance. Sweep her off her feet, have that unforgettable moment and may many more days of love and passion be enjoyed by you.
Do not take advantage of this day however to ruin a life, yours or someone else's. And try to avoid unwanted issues that could be created from the euphoria of the occasion. It's just Vals day so share some genuine love and let love, true love lead.

Diary of a self righteous.

There are those who just do the craziest things and you wonder when karma will catch up with them. Wura was one such girl. I met her in school and she showed me the wild side of life. I am still rather reserved based on the way I was brought up, but Wura, she was crazy and that is fundamentally an understatement. I always told her to slow down, she never really listened. She would say "Zinny, you are in a cage, let go and enjoy life". I never listened to her, I felt karma would catch up with her. I was waiting. Last month Wura put to bed, her 3rd child from her very wealthy husband who spoils her at every opportunity. They went to Seychelles for their honeymoon, he bought her a Porsche 911 after their first son and she had the second in Canada. They have traveled round the world and I am still here waiting for Karma to catch Wura. I am still single though and I know I will find my own husband very soon. I will be 37 in June but I really don't look my age at all. When karma catches up with Wura, I will be there, not to laugh in her face but to be a shoulder to support her. Anyways, Wura is lucky so far, lets see how far her luck will carry her.

3 modern signs of INSECURITY

So my dear, you are in a relationship. It's probably past the honeymoon phase and into the "let's make this a love story" phase. The hard part of every relationship is when REAL LIFE sets in on 2 of you. It's a good thing, it truly is. But most times, one persons insecurity ruins it. Here are just 3 signs to watch out for. It maybe you who exhibits them or worse, your partner.
1. Does he/she long to go through your phone. Pictures, mails and messages?
2. Does he/she frequently visits your social media pages to check who you "poked" or whose picture you "liked" or whose tweet you replied or retreated?
3. Does he/she use a hidden number or a strange voice to call you at random times.

Well, you can smile now cos these 3 signs are just all you need before you kick down the door, and storm into their room with fingers waving in the air and a stern look on your face, and confidently say, "you, my dear are insecure". Whilst you are at it be sure to make sure you are not the reason for the symptoms your partner is showing.
Show some love though and kiss them right after the accusation.

GAY & PROUD?

So the president signs the anti-gay bill into law. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Does it affect us as a people or is it a very irrelevant bill that has no bearing on the more pressing issues affecting the masses?

Maybe it does not affect us or improve the roads or the state of power supply, doesn’t make that bill irrelevant. Some things matter more now, you would say, but how does this law and many others affect us presently and maybe in the future.

I am not a political analyst but I think I know some facts.

• There is a gay population in the country. I know this for a fact

We as a people do not see homosexuality as a mental disorder but more of an abomination and anomaly that must not be encouraged.

Many people who will suffer the consequences of the law are the few poor people whom I doubt will ever come out openly and say they are gay.

The gay community in Europe and America has a lot of politicians and celebrities who pushed and kicked against what they called sexual discrimination. It worked for them, it didn’t work here though.

The bill, along with the Yerima issue of child marriage goes a long way in defining who we are as a nation. Or does it?

• Most people discriminate against homosexuals (especially the male aspect) because the bulk of the community is heterosexual and homosexuality goes against what a heterosexual society believes in.

Nigeria is a heterosexual society. A very heterosexual one.

The law kicks against homosexual marriage or open show of homosexuality in public or any homosexual act that becomes public knowledge. Be careful whom you go home with.

• It does not stop people from being homosexual, but at least it prohibits the act in the country. It is a crime and punishable under the law.

The law shows to a large extent that the majority of the law makers elected by the people of this country are not homosexual or inclined towards that sexuality,.... for now.

For the homosexual community they would remain trapped in the closet. Let us hope, for their  sake that no one opens that closet. Some will however go looking for that closet.

"Sending a homosexual person to prison should be enforced if a homosexual man should serve his 14 year term in a female prison and is forced to shower or bath (if they do that in Nigerian prisons) with the other female inmates. That could change his sexual orientation on the long run."

• Most Nigerians will not report a case of homosexuality to the police, neither will the culprit confess to such when accused of it so the case of evidence to show ones sexuality will have to be defined and practicalised in whatever way possible.  However the inhuman and degrading acts they would be subjected to when found out would be intolerable....and filmed with a mobile phone and put on the internet.

I can say that GEJ has balls for signing the bill despite the loads of pressure from US and Europe to quell the process of passing the bill to law. These people have legalized abortion and weed(we should legalize the latter too), and they intend for the rest of the world to follow suit even if it is wrong , just because they are world powers does not make them right or God.

We all are waiting for the first Nigerian celebrity or politician to openly say they are gay so we can start a long process of ‘what happens now’ and ‘let us see what will happen’. Maybe, Jonathan will no longer be president when this happens.

• Whoever decides to come out of the closet on their sexuality had better come out from a closet in US or any other country that allows for homosexuality.

If your closet is in Nigeria, it should also contain a third party, for the gay men, a lady and for the lesbians, well its easy , except you are an ugly lesbian, men will keep chyking you and you can easily say your lesbian friend is your ‘bestie’. Men don’t do besties like women do so the gay closet has to have a third party that is either sworn to secrecy or will never find out. Nigerian ladies will find out.

• As with heterosexual relationships that have not being brought to the alter or court room, a lot of discretion would still be advised.

One question though, When a homosexual who has served his term (or her term) of 14 years in prison, and they still remain homosexual, will they be sent back for another 14 years?

How to make a New Year resolution and stick to it for at least 300 days.

 

It is a New Year and it is only traditional that after the merriment and funfair that ushers in the New Year, we retreat for a few moments and take up the singular responsibility of making a resolution. This resolution could range from a single habit to an entire lifestyle modification. Whatever shape or form your New Year resolution may take, here are a few tips to help you meet your expectations.

1.        Set the bar reasonably high. Most people would want a total overnight make over. From regular to superhuman in a very short while. This may be possible but likely improbable for the majority of “resolutionist”. Whatever you might want to achieve with your resolution that has made you give 52weeks of the year to achieving is definitely not minced meat, so put a lot of thought into it and do not scare yourself with superhuman task that you would probably abandon by august

2.       It is 12 months and a lot of days. Time is on your side (except you are 80 and want to be an Olympic sprinter). Most things if not all are achievable when broken down into smaller simpler units so do the same to your resolutions and take each tiny bit and accomplish it within that period.

3.       Start. It’s as simple as that. Just get up and start, and do not stop till you notice an improvement.

4.       Do it today. Simply put, do not procrastinate. Today is a good day to get started and a good day to keep going.

5.       Records are important. This could work in 2 ways, it could show you how far you have come or it could show you how much is left. Either ways, a positive attitude would help you look at the challenges and strive to overcome. Get that positive attitude from anywhere you can and never let it go

6.       Take a break. Just do this sparingly so as not to stall or hinder the progress or gathering momentum but enough to prevent burnout which is a major setback.

7.       Reward yourself. Yes! Once you have accomplished a sizeable chunk of work reward yourself with a healthy dose of gratitude, try to avoid relapse also. However do not dwell on present success. Keep going

8.       Setbacks are a must. Hiccups and life will always interfere in your progress so expect it, prepare for it and equip yourself to survive. These setbacks will make the task harder but the reward even much sweeter.

9.       Have fun. Your resolution should not be a punishment, it should be a step or set of steps to becoming a better person. With that in mind, the process should be enjoyed as much as possible and not endured. Endurance gives room for relapse and you wouldn’t want to start over a process you endured next year, would you?

10.   Let go. A lot of things or people or situations would want to prevent you from making a resolution, let them go. A lot of excuses would come up along the way to slow you down, derail you, or send you in the wrong direction. Identify them and let them go. You don’t need anchors to slow your ship when it wishes to sail (except if your resolution is to stop sailing, then anchorage is allowed).

A resolution should not be a competition but it can make you more competitive. It’s you against yourself. You have nothing to prove to anybody but yourself (ok! Maybe your spouse).

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Strange and familiar things

That old familiar obsession,

Of things taken for granted

And stolen moments lost.

That strange familiarity,

Which time can never diffuse,

Nor absence, extinguish.

That familiar obsession ,

Of lust and desire ever burning

And passions never satisfied.

That familiar tune,

To which we all dance

Albeit, involuntarily

To the rhythm of love,

And this strange rhythm

Of muscular contractions

From the vision to the motion.

If love had a tune,

If music had a heart,

And we all opened ourselves

To listen to the words and rhythm,

To dance the shameless dance

And ignore rude loudness

Of condescending authority.

The samba and the strings

And gyrating hips,

And the undulating in the loins of virility,

In perfect harmony.

Like our hearts would unite.

That old familiar sound,

Never forgotten

Forever embraced

Always out of reach.

That new taste

Of fluids that arouse the senses

And only shared by two

Music, food and dance,

All in unison

As if all are one

Yet none is the other.

That present yearning,

Of a long lost hope

And a hope still smouldering,

In it, the yearning fuels itself.

It will happen one day

In a combustion of everything,

Perhaps too much for a single event,

Too heavy for a single heart

Or a million hearts thereof.

It will happen so fast

And after which nothing is left behind

But pure bliss.