SINCERELY WRITING!

It is from the depth of my heart, and filled with utmost respect, that I decide to bare my soul, for no man ever made a mark by being someone else. I want to be among the greats of the world, a mind that would be so envied that even I would stand in awe in heaven and thank God for a life well spent. I can only be the best that ‘I’ can be and that’s not to say that an ‘ok’ me is not good enough but, come to think of it, good was not good enough that’s why better came along only to be ‘bested’ by the best. I feel I am still young and that the full potentials of this mind are yet to be attained. I came across a saying sometime ago, ‘if it isn’t fun, don’t do it’, and I ask is my life fun? I know we all have heard about life not being a bed of roses and all that and we have come to accept it, we have accepted that we live in a world filled with limitations and disappointments, many of us even take a pessimistic view on life in general. ‘What good can come out of Bethlehem?’ I do know that salvation came from there and to many other pessimistic questions, why this? Why that? Well, why not? Life is not all about being perfect or working towards perfection because the perfection we so seek and desire is viewed through an imperfect lens, clouded by dishonesty, corruption, violence. It seems so easy to point out our imperfections and that of the world than to appreciate the wonders of our creation. And as my thoughts drift in and out of crazy and wonderful ideas, I wonder, am I the only person with such a mind? Of course not, and the greatest of such minds may as well not have been born but the propagation of our species over the years have led us to believe that it is the fittest that survive. I do not know much and indeed all that’s left to be known far surpasses what we know now, so the boundaries we have created for ourselves are willfully and eventually torn down to open a new horizon, a world of endless possibilities and I can assure myself first that this world is just around the corner. Our differences aside, we all are creatures of order, peace, unity and growth. It is all embedded in our genetic make up to be orderly and even in the midst of the external forces of chaos, we all so long for the peace from within, that shining light that re-assures us that we are not just matter that exist to occupy space but are the beings that BE. Love is magical, love is precious, and love is universal. We all want to love and be loved in return, so why don’t we just love? It always comes back to us…

COMING SOON!

SO, WAS THAT YOU?



I looked through the window of my little shelter, rain drops still scattered sparingly on the partly cemented floor. I felt like going out this evening but where would I go? At times like this I wished I smoked or indulged in some kind of social activity that would enable me just go out on my own and not be seen as a loner. Of course I am not a loner, I have a lot of friends and numerous acquaintances, but just this time I felt I should be alone. I was not depressed but was in a very reflective and sober mood. ‘I need a retreat’, I thought to my self the previous day but now I needed to go out. What shall I do with my freedom again? This new freedom I have been blessed with. I vowed not to make the same mistakes I made with my previous freedoms; in boarding school, in the university, in youth service camp. No! Not the same mistakes. I had to make a responsible use of my life for now and from now on. I knew I was in no hurry to settle down and, thank goodness I was under no form of pressure, at least for the moment. My whole life, like a clean slate lay in front of me and I made an oath to write on it with as few mistakes and less grave ones at that. This retreat of mine would usher me from young man to ‘elderly, respected young citizen’. All my dreams, aspirations, my future looked and felt brighter. What could possibly go wrong now? All I have to do is make use of all my past mistakes and make my present life and the imminent future, something to look forward to. I, Toby would shock the world, in a good way, and I intend to rule the world! As for my past, lets hope it does not come up too often in any discussions, let sleeping dogs lie, although I would prefer DIE, but you know what they say, kill the past, kill the future. That’s me, my past and hopefully a future you all will envy and talk about for years to come.


*** EXCERPTS FROM ‘THE TALE OF HISTORY’
A BOOK BY Uche Onuma© 2010

Yeah! We Are Back

Its feels good to be back, even if it is for a short while.
A lot of water has indeed passed under the bridge but I’ll try to be constructive. Some words that are passing through my mind right about now… "trust", "friendship", "love", "loyalty", "disappointment", "depression", a lot of emotions!now but no tears not from me, not for now and not ever. There is nothing better than knowing something and knowing it well more so nothing like clarity. No vagueness or ambiguity. I personally love to be vague but can’t seem to like others been vague to me. I want you to tell me as it is, up front and right in my face. I love honesty even if I know it is not expected from everybody but nobody said it’s futile to at least expect sometimes. All I want is for someone to tell me honestly what they think and I will be satisfied, but who would that be?
Its not you definitely! You wouldn’t do me the favor; you would not want to hurt my feelings, would you? So much for friendship and trust. Ironic! Isn’t it? That you would feel that I can’t handle the truth. Well I am not talking about me hear or what I have done or even what I expect, it is more like what I feel. Ok! I feel everyone or almost everyone is lying, in one way or the other.
My sister told me once to be more expressive, sounds easy but it sure as hell isn’t. It’s much safer to be on the fence but even there, the stones continue to fly by. I’d stop fro now because I don’t know if you are ever going to read this so if you get to read this, I’m sure you would not understand

IS THAT A COMPLIMENT?

‘I love your hair!’, ‘you really look good today’, ‘did you put on some weight?’… Well I’ll take all that as a compliment, for now because I can’t and will not live an insecure life of scrutinizing every comment flung my way. No! I can’t live like that but must know when you are actually complimenting something about me or just making a fool out of me. Remember, I said for now and that means later or some other time I might look back and see that you were actually making fun of me and I assure you it won’t be so pleasant to see me. I may not be able to sense sarcasm immediately but you bet I’ll be able to sense a mocker when I hear one. Compliment me or not, it won’t change anything. I did not have you in mind when I was dressing up or eating or working out and I don’t give a ‘rats ass’ what you think of me now… speaking of which, just keep your thoughts to yourself. I love myself just the way I am now and I don’t need a panel of judges to tell me how to wear my hair or dress. I am wonderfully and fearfully created! Yeah! That’s right you heard me ‘FEARFULLY’ so don’t go about thinking that you are better than anyone else because it’s he who wears the shoes that knows where it pinches most.


Hope you didn’t take this personally, no harm intended

THIS LOVE...

Many would say that it does not exist, others still that is mere figment of imagination, but no one can question the power it wields in the world. Wars have been fought, families divided, blood has been spilt, it indeed has the power to do and of course, undo. I have experienced the overwhelming power of it and I can say that there is nothing created that can stand the force which it pulls. Once I doubted, fought and even detested the mere thought of being mastered by anything let alone this power, but my resistance lasted only as long as I was ignorant. Fate rarely calls upon us on the moment of our choosing and this is my story.
I was placed in the situation where I had the choice to walk away and never look back, I could have kept quiet but I would have missed the most wonderful feeling yet in the world, it has nothing to do with what is or is not done, or what is or is not said, it has nothing to do with where you are from but more importantly, where you are headed. I hoped I would make the exception but I just could not stand out, it took a whole lot of resistance so many years have gone by since I first set my eyes on.... I said it was not possible but I just found out that impossibilities are non-existent. I was and am still a puppet, fate has dealt me a fair hand, I had the advantage but could not take it, I could have achieved anything I dreamt of, but to what end? I had lived a life of solitude for so long I thought to myself ‘, I can do without anyone’. I had been self sufficient but seeing... it just could not be. This feeling I had suppressed for many years, I even thought I had mastered my feelings. I did not only surprise my family and those close to me, I was surprised at how quick I fell, over and over again I fell and I was not on any psychotomimetics or CNS stimulant. It was in the air and I had been infected. Now I am sick, yes I am love struck and only SHE can cure me... I have felt love and it is the sweetest, strongest singular feeling that can set me and you free. Pure love like pure honey is hard to come back but once tasted, you can sense the difference.
I have tasted PURE love and now I know the DIFFERENCE.

THE LETTER...

IN THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON I SHARE THIS VERY PERSONAL LETTER...
** THE NAMES USED HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR PRIVACY PURPOSES

THE LETTER

I wish that for once I would be able to write down how I feel sometimes. Right now, I feel so drained!!! My boyfriend just told me that I’m making things difficult for his next girlfriend and that was meant to be a compliment!!! This is someone I really hoped, dreamt of a future with me the way I did with him. It’s just so sad that life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to. If wishes where horses, Victoria will spend the rest of her life with Patrick. But too bad, it’s not mine to decide, never was, will never be
In a few weeks time, I’ll be out of this school for good and many questions keep popping up: what will be my fate? Should I hold on? If I do, will I be able to trust him? More importantly, will I be able to trust myself? Will the distance affect our relationship? Somehow I know the answers to these questions but I think I’m in denial. I find it very difficult to let go. Though I know I can’t have it forever, I keep holding on till the dying minute. So here comes the million dollar question, when is the dying minute? When will there be nothing left to salvage of our relationship? When will it be all over? How would we decide that? How will I feel when this time comes? These questions, I can’t answer.
God! How was he able to make me fall so deeply in love with him/ how did it happen? When? Why can’t I just tell myself the truth and walk away? I don’t know1 all I want is to love and be loved back! All I want is to share my dreams and future with him! All I want is to have his kids! Is that too much to ask for? Apparently, yes, Victoria, it is. We are talking about a lifetime commitment here, so, yes it is too much to ask for.
Well, I’m just going to put the ball in his court and let him play it in any direction he wants to. Yeah! I know, you might say that I’m being a fool for him but what can I say, he deserves it. He is just absolutely the best guy I’ve ever known. He is my Pat.


feel free to drop a comment... really appreciated.

CAN IT BE BOUGHT?

I had this argument with a friend of mine the other day, on the importance of packaging. I was of the opinion that packaging was not the first port of call in any type of relationship, be it a formal one or just informal and as a matter of fact, that packaging was over ‘hyped’ in our time. I stated that the content was of utmost importance and should be given more attention. My friend had other ideas; he spoke on the point of attraction. What attracts a young man to a girl first? Her beauty, grace or her attitude? Is it what you can see or what you can not? Well I suggested he marry an attractive yet ill mannered lady. The argument took a lot of dimensions, from a diamond in the rough to the glitter of items which are seemingly gold, from wolves in sheep skin to allure of evil, but one point where I could not help but agree with him was, all these revolved around the act that they worked and people, no matter hw careful you might be, you can never be too sure about something until you have tasted it yourself and guaranteed that it is what it says it is. You may not be able to fight attraction but you can tread carefully and make a lot of scrutiny but would you be living life if you decided not to make mistakes. Its in our nature to love and demand and wish for attractive stuff, but a wise man would say “all that glitters is not GOLD”
That said I have come to see that packaging indeed is the first port of call, the opportunity creator, it is the avenue for open doors but spend as much time on packaging as you spend on content, life is meant to be balanced. Content may not be able to be bought but must be toiled for but packaging…. Can it be bought?

YEARS HAVE INDEED GONE BY!

Many years have gone by indeed and the experiences which we have gained have made us stronger. We have made some mistakes over and over again but we are still alive to look back and probably laugh. I have made a handful of mistakes over and over again I sometimes wonder if I am alright at all. Time waits for no man and there is never enough time to do all we intend to or dream of doing. But one thing that comes with time is change and it’s not up to you or me to control it, it just happens. You may want to change your look or your wardrobe or your diet or even your friends, in fact you may wish to change everything about yourself and for whatever reason that you can come up with. Time will pass on that, the outcome could be a laugh, regret or fulfilment, but only after some time has passed. A lot of things have happened to me and my family in the past few years, some good, some bad, some exceptional while others just ordinary, and they all happened to the same set of people (my family). Funny enough, the reception of these things varied from individual to individual and this is where I am stuck. 4 years ago if I was told to go and live with any of my sisters, I would have jumped at the idea, but now I think I’d rather spend my holidays on my own and occasionally visit my family. Is this what time does to the mind? Does it change your outlook to my life and those in it? Well only time will reveal what will happen but don’t get me wrong, time does not creep up on us. No it doesn’t, it gives us time to prepare and provides us with resources to tackle the next obstacle, it’s a funny thing this life. Why don’t you just keep laughing? The years will continue to role by and our lives continue to unravel before our very eyes. There are surprises for everyone (as well as shocks and disappointments) so be ready to embrace life. As for me, things can only get better and this I strongly believe.

LETS HELP HAITI

It’s rather early in the year to start talking about disaster of any kind, natural or otherwise, but that does not stop it from happening. Whenever we hear of disaster that means it happens to people who least expect it or are in the worst possible position to do anything about it on their own, both in prevention and in the relief afterwards. The people of Haiti have touched the world and indeed called us to pay more attention to the 3rd world countries, to Africa, to the women and children who have been neglected for a very long time. The new decade indeed starts with a wakeup call to all those in positions of authority; it’s time to face issues that affect human life directly. Mother Nature is calling us all to arise and take up the challenge and be ‘our brother’s keepers’. Is this a decade of more charity? I don’t know yet, and only time will tell. Looking back at the decade just ended a lot of financial crisis but no one person died as a direct effect of this crisis, yet little Haiti in a twinkle of an eye suffered a disaster that has claimed so many lives. This shows that the world and its leaders should channel their efforts into more humanitarian gestures, especially to the 3rd world and its population. The world would indeed become a better place if as much care being shown to Haiti now would be sustained and extended to other countries of similar plight even without a natural disaster. Let us join hands in prayer for the victims and our hearts in solidarity to a nation in distress and hope that this is the worst that can happen. Let us help Haiti, let us help the world

LOYALTY!

Who do I lie to? My family or my friends. Among my friends who deserves the truth at all or should I say most times. Who do I expect the truth from and how much is enough truth. How do you feel when you are left in the dark? These are some of the questions that come up on the loyalty test. Your concern for someone may sometimes not be your business; it is most times up to the person in question to let you in or out. Do you feel left out in a relationship be it mere friendship? Well a good friend is hard to come by and I must say are in high demand. Your family, you may not have the liberty to choose, so to them you should have a minimum level of loyalty that you must keep, but your friends on the other hand, you have a choice... you have the power to maintain one or ‘kick it to the curbs’. But even among friends it’s a difficult task maintain the balance of loyalty when you eventually find yourself in the middle. Will diplomacy work? That depends on the situation, but chooses ye wisely thy friends your enemies will choose themselves. Let your loyalty lie with yourself and everything that makes you HAPPY because friends will disappoint you and that’s whether you believe it or not. So to answer the question ‘who do I lie to?’ why not ‘who deserves the truth?’. Your loyalty lies within you so don’t lie to yourself because you DESERVE the TRUTH.