Murder by Retrospection

I have lived just once
The outcomes sombre
The choices made with zeal
Couldn't have asked for a better start
Maybe that's where the problems lie
The truth is fleeting
Intentions misread
Paralysis emerges
As the mistakes of the past
Dissuade from actions of the present
Different outcome?
Hope is a deadly addiction
But the memories don't fade
The reality is a daily reminder
Looking back will kill me
Looking forward should heal me
But I'm stuck in the now
And there is no worse feeling
Than that of self pity and the realisation
That all that was hoped for
Will never be a reality
Murder by retrospection

I Am Nigerian.

I am a Nigerian
I cut corners to make ends meet.
Na so e be oh.
Living and working in a dysfunctional system
Normal.
I don't keep up appearances
Or live above my means
But all them boys dey hail me
Boss! Chairman! Your boys are loyal!!
I have to drop something for boys
Or pay the consequences later.
I no get no be excuse.
All man must chop
These guys are more entitled to your earning than you are
They call it the streets
Trying to move up and out of the hood
Then the senior agbero becomes local government councillor
And your 5 years education in the university looks like foolery
They mock you.
In the church they say pay your tithe or God won't bless you.
Your boss? He is a slave driver calling you to work on weekends
He does not care about you.
Work life balance? Only in few and very few multinationals
Others want to kill you on the job
The babes that will love you for who you are want to get married but you can't afford the wedding.
The reception is your one year salary but you want her to smile . It's her day remember?
Your savings? It's not enough to last the Rainy day.
The generator just spoilt. The transformer was stolen. The street vigilante want their pay? What were they doing when they stole the transformer?
NEPA? Let's not even go there.

I am a Nigerian .
Talking trash and loud on social media
The reality is , na garri I drink last night , na garri I go drink this night.
But who go buy me beer this night na him get mouth pass.
We wait for the IJGB to wake the economy for the holiday and forget we have a long January ahead.
Thank God I don't have school fees to pay in January but the rent go soon due.
We go make am last las.
Let me just use that your suit go that interview, maybe I fit earn like 50k extra.
That's if I get the job, but I don't know anyone inside .
Transport money wasted
Man no man , that's how doors are opened
My consolation is that Anthony Joshua is Nigerian, Nigerian Jollof is better than Ghana Jollof and Davido is working with Chris Brown.
Which other country can boast of all these.

I am Nigerian and these are not the stories we want to hear but these are some realities
We hide them and troll Reno Omokri for saying his mind from the comfort of the diaspora
While we keep looking for what's trending to make sense of the current situation, our leaders dig a deeper debt well that our children won't be able to come out of
Suffering and smiling since 1960 and nothing has changed
Not the leaders and not the lessons learnt either
We die here
Or for the bold and brave
We go to Canada
I am Nigerian

The hearts we broke

The things that broke us.

Words  spoken,

Actions that hurt, 

The hearts we broke

The things that mould us 

Words unspoken 

Friction and unease  

Tension in-between. 

Reactions will be questioned 

Motives, revealed 

Whethert true or not 

The mind will believe what it will 

In the presence of all evidence 

The actions of man still decieve 

Tears will fall 

As pieces are shattered 

Of what was once love 

Of what was once trust 

Questions unanswered 

As two lovers go there separate ways

One filling lost 

The other wonders on.

The hearts we broke 

Known and unknown

Cry out at night 

And keep us from sleep.

Who are YOU 🤔

Who are you without the filters
Who are you behind the cameras
Who do people say you are
What makes you YOU
Is it the likes , the retweets, the comments?
Is it the number of followers?
Is it the Calibre of celebrities who follow you ?
Who are you without the internet
Who are you outside of social media
Who are you really?
Lost in the crown while still trying to stand out?
What will you do to get noticed
In real life and on the gram.
Who are you when you are alone by yourself
Do you cry or smile when you are about to sleep
Does it matter to you?
What people say or think about you?
What they do to you and what you allow to be done to you
Do you react naturally or is it induced by what you think is expected of you
Are you the same to yourself are you are to others .
Will you recognize yourself or have you all gone numb
Is this the YOU you will be proud of in the future or do you think that consequences are obsolete and extinct
You can't escape yourself
You can't escape this life
You can't escape reality.
You can only recreate .
How is that coming.

AGAIN AND AGAIN

I saw her again and I knew this was another opportunity lost
I saw her like I had seen her many times before
I saw her and it was not the ideal time.
I had seen her when I had nothing to lose
I had seen her when I had it all to lose
And seeing her was a loss in itself
Knowing I could not get the chance to pour out my soul at her feet like I wanted to
I saw her and wished I didn't see her.
And From the first time I saw her I knew I wanted her.
each time the opportunity came, the opportunity went as quickly
With me kicking myself for not been brave enough.
I saw her today and felt the same way I felt the first time I saw her .
And 4 years later I had changed , she had changed too
But seeing her was not about what the eyes saw
Was more about what the heart felt
And even if I'm too old for my heart to melt
It felt as real as it could be .
I saw her again today and like all the other times I had seen her before,
I said nothing
I just watched her pass me by.
I said to myself " the next time"
I hope that the next time would be better for me
Till then .
If you see her just tell her this .
I'd like to get to know you better

The sun set

I watched the sun set today, from the great third .
With the ocean to my left and the jungle to my right.
The glorious sun said her farewell for the day as she bathed the waters with golden rays of dying embers
It was a beauty.
My body , though weary from a long hard and tumultuous day gazed on for hours
Moving ever so slowly towards the mainland
An exodus to the mainland.
I asked myself "am I the only one to see this beauty"
Many were already asleep in this human train while many more hustled for the position on the front of the line .
To leave the island in such a hurry as dusk approached
Some running back to the arms of beloved while others away from slave masters
The sun set on all while still on the bridge.
It was a sight to behold , if only I wasn't compelled to do so in such a state .
The sun set nonetheless

He only saw her Beauty

She came back home that evening tired and exhausted. Her feet were sore from the angles of her stiletto shoes, her stomach ached with hunger pains and her eyes were sore from starring at the computer all day. 

Her phone rang, it was Benjamin , ‘what did he want?’ She thought as she picked up the call 

‘Where are you?’ The voice on the other end said, with no hint of sympathy for the already weary soul. 

She replied ‘I just got home’ she replied. Then there was silence, she didn't know if he was not talking or if it was a network problem 

She said ‘hello!, ‘ no reply 

‘Hellooooo!’ And still no response. 

She hung up the phone and proceeded to take of her office blazer and came down from her shoes. She sat on her bed, the only piece of furniture without any wrinkle in her room as her bed was properly laid. She felt like sleeping. She took off her clothes and went in to have a quick shower, her phone backlight caught her eye as she walked back into the room. She looked through her phone, ‘Benjamin’ she thought with a wry smile on her face. She got dressed in her house  tees opened her note pad and wore her nerdy frames as she intended to get a little more work done before she slept. 

She was totally engrossed in her report when her doorbell rang, she yelled out from inside her bedroom, ‘who is it?’ As she dropped the notepad and got up from the bed making her way through the lightly furnished sitting room to open the door, ‘I am coming, who is it ?’ She asked again.

‘Benjamin’ , 

Her heart skipped a beat, she hurriedly opened the door.

He walked in and went straight to the fridge, opened a can on beer and looked at her slowly.

‘ you smell fresh’ he said, 

She smiled 

She knew Benjamin was not one to flatter or pay compliments on random.

He walked towards her, took her by the hand and led her out of the apartment. 

She wanted to resist but the smell of his sweat mixed with alcohol was too much to resist.

She eventually came to her senses when she saw his car engine was still running and he intended taking her out. 

‘Can I  go get my purse and lock the door?’

He stopped in his track, walked towards her and kissed her on the head, 

‘OK’ he replied , ‘be quick’ 

She loved the way he loomed over her whenever they were close. She stood there for a few seconds and quickly sprinted towards her apartment .

He looked on and saw she had only  a t shirt on, he smiled to himself. 

Benjamin was all she looked forward to everyday, he only called when he was around, he said very few words on the phone and even to her, what she loved however was how much he loved to show her off to his friends and his colleagues. 

She got into her room panting, her eyes darting back and forth as she located her keys, purse and a short in the corner of her open wardrobe. She quickly put it on and dashed back out of the room, leaving her notepad on and ran out of the apartment. As she  approached the hallway, she could see him reclining on the hood of his Mercedes E 250. She stopped running and tried to catch her breathe, she just realized she still had her hair net on, Benjamin was never going to complain. He had taken her out once in her pyjamas, she was a little,embarrassed at first but he was totally comfortable with the idea. He told her ‘you should not make an effort to look good for me cos I only see beauty’. Those were the words that made her the most comfortable with him.

She walked out of the hallway into the streets to meet her Benjamin, he spoke so few words but meant every single one of them. When he said to her ‘ I love you’ , she knew he meant it. 

Her feet no longer hurt, her stomach no longer ached, her eyes were no longer sore

HOW TO GET MOTIVATION FOR WORK

Mondays are the buzz kill of the week. No one I know of presently loves Mondays except me. I love Mondays and I know it may sound strange but it is true. It could be assumed that this love for Mondays Is simply because ii love my job or I love what I am doing  now and that assumption won’t be entirely wrong but the catch to it is that everyone can love their work and love Mondays too. It is actually an art to love Monday and still look forward to Friday and enjoy Saturday and Sunday enough to not despise Monday.
For all who technically don’t like Mondays, these are a few tips to make you enjoy and look forward to Mondays.
NB: clinically depressed persons will not get the same results as healthy persons. Also results will vary from individual to individual depending on the nature of work, boss and zodiac sign
1. Plan actively. This is the first step in every successful endeavor. Plan your Monday and if possible your entire week. A written plan is usually more effective, so write it down and discuss with colleagues who could impact on your work
2. Do Not over indulge on Sunday. This is essential to keeping you ready on Monday. The worst way to start the week is with a hangover, especially if you are not the boss
3. Do not get too comfortable over the weekend. In preparation for work on Monday  do not deny yourself a well-deserved rest but also do not bask or dwell too long on the comfy period, planning your weekends would go a long way also in getting you ready for work on Monday
4. Reward yourself. For every achievement reward yourself, this is the best way to enjoy your life and work. Be realistic with your rewards and make sure you do it sparingly to keep the reward process fresh
5. Stay positive: remove all negative energy from your space and look for the bright spots in your week or weekend. Be expectant and cling on to those who give you motivation.
6. Choose your poison! Movie or music or even both but keep it close to you so and make it a happy one too as these can lift your spirit
7. Smile: it cures a lot. The more you smile the more your world changes to make you smile more
These 7 tips are known to work for people who either love their work or love the pay that comes with their work, if you do not love your work or the pay that comes with it then you are probably going to be better off looking for something else cos your weekdays and not just Mondays now, would be a long drab episodes.

HOW TO MAKE IT WORK WITH ANY WOMAN

Understanding women is a mystery. Men don’t understand women and women don’t understand women. It is simple like that and for the simple minded (like me) who love to have things in black and white and very few grey areas, women are a touchy subject. I have been around a lot of women but not enough to understand them fully and that is when it hit me (for the 100th time) , “women cannot be completely understood”. That is a sad fact and that may seem like a brick wall, but we love women, men and women love women and it is as simple and complicated as that, “we can’t live with them, can’t live without them.
Living with them however is the easier of the 2 options when you consider the following points, understand and applying them and appreciating the outcome, it no longer seems like a task.
So if you are a lady and want to get along with other ladies or a particular lady, or you are a guy with similar interest in ladies, please take note.

1. Women love to talk, so just listen. Listen to everything, what she says, what she means, what she implies, what she didn’t say and what she hasn’t said,. If you listen well enough you will hear her every time

2. Space is important. She will push you away sometimes and the next minute cries cos you are distant. Men can tolerate the space infringement, most women cannot. Give her her own version of space.

3. The swings are the beauty of her. Her mood will swing and thus the lord God made it so and it was beautiful. If the swings are not there, then the lady you seek is not there. She should not be always angry with you or always happy with you, it’s the way coffee is, the best of both.

4. Her sexuality is as important as her personality. Do not undermine any, understand that for a woman, her personality is swiftly tied to her sexuality and that is the making of “society” .understand that and you should be able to sleep easy

5. When in doubt, do the right thing and ASK. She would rather you asked than you assume. A surprise would be tempting and pleasant when pulled off but in other cases just man up and ask.

6. That sweetness can turn to gall. Women are 2 sides, the extremely sweet and the extremely bitter and if you assume that the sweet doesn’t have a bitter side, you do so at your own risk. Do not break a fragile ornament cos it can quickly be turned into a dangerous weapon.

7. Consistency. Be a complete douche bag and she could love you, be a complete gentleman and she could still love you but never portray a gentleman when in truth you are just a douche bag, a woman likes to know what she is buying even before she starts bargaining, otherwise she would quickly dispose of it like it never really existed.

8. Do not snoop, you won’t find anything, worse if you do find anything you definitely will, not like it. Do not snoop, remember “never  look into a woman’s purse” I have no idea who said that though but it is true. Do not


Making it work is hardwork and it should be, but when you really want to make it work , you can!

Resolve - Recovery

My soul, the ruins of Pompeii.
Once beautiful, now an island of graves
No eulogy, no gravestones.
Once blooming with flowers
With beautiful sunlight streaming in.
And the silent moon radiating the streams at night time .
The robins and swallows on the tree top chipping away like the world needed to hear their voice.
Yes that was my soul once.
Then the rumblings started and I knew they were fatal.
Flee? I couldn’t flee, I couldn’t leave myself behind.
Could I avert this impending danger?
Did I have the courage to suppress this tragedy?
I had to know how strong I was. How strong my good was
Now the smoke rises and the ashes settle on dead ground.
The eruption is over but in its wake lies the destruction I could not phantom
Words elude me. I stare into the bleakness of the dark that now surrounds me.
Streams of water now streams of fire.
Everything is not as it should be.
I am left with this task .
To rebuild my souls civilization.
From these ashes must come hope and the birth of a stronger soul.
This is the sole purpose of my survival.
This shall not go to waste .


Happy New Year .