HOW TO GET INTO LADIES PANTS (authoritative skills from the portfolio of a novice)

To get into a lady’s pants is hard work. If you never got ‘the look’ from her or ‘the hand’, then this is not for you. If you are a lady or the female in a homosexual relationship, this is not for you either. If you have a weak spot for women, be you male or female, then this is absolutely for you.

Before I go on, I must tell you that the techniques discussed here have been tried out by millions of men and has shown a high success rate, (did I mention that I have never tried any of them out). Ok, here we go. There are 3 basic principles that must be strictly adhered to for success and they are very easy. The principles are deception, honesty and conviction. These principles must be understood and applied with fluency to achieve the goal (her pants) in as short a period as possible otherwise you, my good friend would be ZONED, and I am very sure neither of us want that.

I would abridge the process so you won’t have to read through a manual like guide. This will serve as a "success key points" kind of short cut to ultimate success and like any other skill I don’t have, practice makes perfect, so keep trying the principles out, on different girls of course and always feel free to mix it up so as not to get bored of the system itself and resolve to fail intentionally when next success is guaranteed.

So to the first principle. DECEPTION.

Deception needs no definition of its own because its sound is self explanatory, deception is deception, what it is not. So, to carry out this principle just think of what you are not, and what you think she wants that you are not. Do not be you, be a pop star, a porn star or a basic super star but don’t be yourself. Take her to places you can’t afford, and introduce her to people that are not your friends or family or colleagues at a fake office. In short fool yourself so much that both you and her begin to believe this false persona that you have created to the point where both of you fall in love with it. Make sure she wants this false persona so much that you could decide to travel to the Bahamas in a private jet just to get her candy and she would still be all over you. If you do not have that type of money to actually spend, pretend to spend it by buying from a cheap shop and calling it Dubai, borrow a real friends luxury items and dash it back to them in a great show of benevolence and grand charity. Call Denzel Washington and Morgan freeman as often as you can or source local talent like davido, burna boy and shontizzle. Give her so much fake trips that she feels like you are a star and she, your groupie.

Nb: this should take from as little as 30mins to 3 days to accomplish otherwise change to the next principle

The next principle is HONESTY. This needs no definition too as it is what it says it is. The principle of honesty is telling the lady or broad exactly what you want, not as soon as you can but as soon as she needs to hear it. Not before, not after. Timing is everything with the honesty principle. This doesn’t mean you tell her who you really are, it means you just tone down on the deception to the acceptable minimum and hit the nail on the head. ‘I want to get into your pants’. Not explicitly like that but suggestive enough to walk away without been looked upon as a sex starved pervert.

Nb: honesty should be carried out in a very quiet environment or a very loud environment. The condition must be extreme for maximum efficacy and all phones must be neutralized.

To the last principle. CONVICTION. No introduction needed for him as he is the most vital principle and must be perfected well ahead of time for any hope of success. Everybody wants to be convinced. Some convince others that love is real while others want to be convinced that there is love at first sight. Whatever it is, you have to find a way to know what she wants to be convinced about and make it work for you. If she wants love, convince her that you are cupids arrow, if she wants lust, tell her you are the apple Eve gave to Adam, if she wants fame and fortune, convince her that you are famous and fortunate (don’t show her), the thing about convincing her is that you have to make her believe that what she seeks is there somewhere but never SHOW HER ALL. In trying to convince her, you have to work on her mind so that she is convinced on her own (through your own suggestions).

Nb: you have to be subtle in your conviction and not desperate. Do not convince for more than 48 hours.

Having said all these, remember to mix it up and keep practicing on the numerous girls out there. One day, you too will master the art of the 3 lethal strikes that always work and become a blogger about it (just like me). Till I come up with another closely observable trait in modern men, enjoy!!!!!

Don't Impress Her

That doesn’t sound right, does it? Why shouldn’t she be impressed or why shouldn’t I impress her? Is it that she isn’t worth it? Well it is quite simple. Women are not created to be impressed. They could be impressed by the weirdest stuff that could ever exist. Yes! Most are impressed by material things and a show of wealth and affluence and confidence and all the beautiful things of life, a trip in a private jet to Paris and then to the exquisite island of Bali and a chauffeur driven limo to Buckingham palace to dine with the queen and then to the grand canyon in a hot air balloon. She will be impressed by all these and even more if you are a baddass like Tom Cruise in mission impossible or Bruce Willis in die hard but the truth is if that is not what you are you have just wasted resources and time. Will she be impressed with a white collar job? A routine life? Family? Well there is only one way to find out. Women want to be impressed, most times they would gratify you for impressing them or inflate your ego but along comes a more impressive ‘fella’ and more impressive stunts and there goes your swag. So why shouldn’t you impress a lady. Except she is already yours then impressing her is just... how do I say this nicely, yeah! “very short term”. Most men would impress a lady just so they could... yeah! Sleep with her and it works most of the time. A brief show of affluence will get the lady looking impressively at you and start wondering how the almighty ‘you’ identified a mere human like her gorgeousness to catch her fancy, and the games begin, lies spring up and a relationship built on appearance is born which harms the society more than the 2 wrecked individuals. So if you want someone to impress, impress your spouse or at least your partner. Take her out to dinner on a Tuesday night, switch to Africa magic when your favourite football team is playing a live match, cook indomie and egg for her on Saturday morning, take her to the masseuse on Monday after work and let her know that you will not take her for granted.
It is not rocket science, at the same time nobody knows what a woman wants. Nobody, not even the women themselves know. It is complicated like that so I suggest we try to simplify it as much as we can. Things have changed and the human specie has evolved on a very large scale on the deception front, so when it is obvious that you are trying to impress a damsel, it could send the wrong “short term” signal to her. Women sense these things and are more impressed nonetheless when you don’t make it your duty to sweep her off her feet. She could like a person for the strangest reason and I am not referring to the superficial broads who just want to play dress-up all their life. A real lady would love you for just being you and not for doing things that are not you. 
If you are still trying to woo her, it is very simple. Be yourself. Everyone will not date a model or the hottest chick or the daughter of Aliko or Fashola. It’s just one person for each of those girls and to be honest there are a lot of beautiful girls out there just waiting to be loved for who they are. So why kill your pocket over the girl you may not get? Or let’s assume you get her, she has so much baggage than you can handle.
I may sound ‘old school’, but that’s the true way of doing things. And when you find that lady you should impress, impress the shit out of her and as I said, let her feel that you are indeed worth waiting for. It is not a race so there is no rush. Do not impress her before you need to impress her.  The only way to impress her before you get her to be your woman would be to love her; you would look very foolish doing that but that is only if you truly love her.

What would you do?

So, let us say you are married and have been marries for 5 years now, and you have been observant. You know your husband even before you tied the knot with him, you observed his sexual calendar and patterns. He always comes on to you every 3 or 4 days for the pleasures of intimacy with you, his wife and let’s assume you refused to let him have the ‘cookies’ before marriage but after marriage you allowed him put his ‘hands in the cookie jar’. He likes sex with his wife and no matter the stress at the office he would always want you in 3 or 4 days after the last encounter, that is not saying that he doesn’t want you after 1 day, but you observe his libido peaks after 72 odd hours without sexual intimacy with you. Even when he is away on long trips out of town, he calls you and has some rather X- rated conversations with you on the phone just to keep it spicy till he returns. You go and see a shrink (psychologist) at some random point and you not only confess that you love your husband but that you actually enjoy the sex (we are assuming you are being completely honest here).

For the past 5 years, he has been the one coming on to you, day and night , for the sex you both enjoy and on several occasions, some beyond your control (we assume he understands those situations), you send him away with blue balls. All these for 5 years with you rarely making any advances on to him. Remember that he has a cycle of 72 odd hours for his libido to peak and then all of a sudden, its 3 weeks and he hasn’t touched you and given you the suggestive look of want, of desire, of lust and ever blazing passion. You are holding yourself from assuming he is cheating on you (the only sane conclusion in these modern times) but you don’t do anything to catch his eye for another 3 weeks. Now it is 6 weeks and no form of intimacy, he has long conversations with you but no body contact, no flame in his eye, no bulge in his pants. What would you do?

You could assume he is cheating on you, which would explain the loss of libido after 72 hours towards you, even if there is no proof, but then again, he is only a man, he would always give in to his 72 hour rush one way or the other.

You could also assume he is finally tired of trying and waiting for you to take the lead, if you recall he never complains about your multiple rejections and he is open about what he wants. Maybe he wants you to meet him half way, but this is probably not the reason, just an excuse he would come up with when you eventually confront him with the infidelity accusation, albeit without any proof what so ever.

Whatever you assume, please, please and please, try at least once to seduce him and see the ignited flame back in his eyes, the passion and desire rekindled and the joy of also being wanted in his heart. He still loves you. You know this and you in turn still love him. Make it work. SEDUCE HIM.

So as we assume this couple is married, there may be one or two of you out there who are not yet married, don’t try this (but you don’t listen do you?). Not all men cheat and not all girls are sluts. Try seducing your partner once in a while. If it where you always on the receiving end, always being seduced, you now know what to do

An incident on advertising

So, it was yesterday afternoon at a bus stop and one of the very big network carriers in Nigeria was holding an awareness campaign with plenty students (who are at home for a very long ASUU induced holiday) volunteering to help with the campaign or recruited. They looked beautiful in their yellow T- shirts and black pants as they danced merrily to the music playing from the mobile van and shared the SIM cards to innocent passers by who were rather more interested in getting away from the music and traffic the mobile van was causing. The Dj was really getting the crowd into the grove gradually as he played tune after tune of Nigerian hit songs from back in the day. The Dj was the sound that was selling this particular campaign and he must have for a long minute forgotten who was paying him as he started a hit track by Eldee ft Banky - W. Yeah, big boy and nobody including myself was expecting to hear the lyrics so loud from the speakers as I walked by as Banky's voice on his verse kept on blaring out. Then every one was jolted when Banky innocently said in his verse the name of a rival network provider on the song. The whole bus stop froze as all eyes went to the Dj and those eyes asked with so much venom, "WHAT?". Yeah talk about advertising for a rival brand on a street campaign. Funny enough, a crowd was gathering not too far from this musical jamboree patronizing this said rival network operator devoid of any fan fare and at hearing that song, well, lets say that many of them had a grin boldly inscribed on their faces. Yeah. That's what advertising campaigns can do, right?

FOR THE AUDIENCE

Art forms of any kind provides satisfaction to the artist in two ways, one is the monetary and the other is the appreciation from the art loving anonymous, no matter how few. Why do we listen to music? Why do we read books? Why do we see movies and dramas? More important is, why do we sing, write or act? It is true that the writers are often times more than the readers (readers who do not write) and musicians keep springing up from all corners per second with some soul lifting tune. It could be just inspiration or talent, flash in the pan or sustainable quality, the audience, the market decides that. The truth also is that there is always someone, unknown to every artist who will relate to whatever art, no matter how obscure and “non-critiqued” an artwork is. There may not be a market, but there is always an audience. The audience could be there to mock (usually for the up coming act) but there is always a true appreciation of every art. It may not be at the present time or in the near future, it may never be a best-seller or a blockbuster, it may never be a classic art of any kind but if it is never written, sung, acted, captured, sculpted or painted, if it is never given life, the potential within will never be appreciated by that anonymous art lover who is neither critique nor a collector. This is not saying that every art should be done for the audience, far from it. The art is done for the artist primarily, I could be wrong but true art is indeed as selfish as humanity is as it dwells in itself to make itself bigger than the art which it really is. The power of every art is in getting each person who comes across it, even if it is for just a second, to ponder, what the artist was going through in the creation of the art. Writers and singers, painters and actors revel in their art. The audience provides not just the appreciation and monetary remuneration, but also the prestige.
Art is for the artist, there is an artist in everyone, we all appreciate a form of art for this reason, as an artist, there is an audience for your art, so what have you  created with your artist within? It would be wrong to humanity if you keep enjoying the art of other artist without creating one for others to enjoy. Then again, humans can be selfish and artist are selfish. So if you are there in the audience cheering your favourite act, be aware that the art was not created for the audience.

Not so much

The constant changes in this world can be very unsettling, so much so, every now and then we need to step back and acknowledge this craziness we call living. So many wise words fly across the internet and of course people's mouth and, rationally they are wise. Open your mind? Accept the ever changing landscape? Be free to be you? These are self liberating and primal mindsets of mainly a "capitalist" view. Nothing may be wrong with this school of thought, yet one can not just keep "keeping up with the trend" as soon as it changes. Yes, change is constant and most times not accepted with wide arms by all. It is not necessarily redundancy or fear of the unknown but more of "what do you stand for?" A question many in this "sharp sharp" generation will find rather tedious in answering. So, as the time changes and we are encouraged to keep accepting or fighting for the change we see or want respectively, a little anchor or base of all ideals should be put in place or this generation would be lost in the wind. "stand for something or fall for anything" . So let's open our minds enough to stand a ground not just for "us" but for posterity and as much as possible diminish the sickening greed of capitalism and embrace the core of human society that promotes the growth of all. We are this society, we have it all to gain or lose. 

A case for the men

I have come across the word "feminism" too many times that I asked myself, "what is the opposite of feminism?". I asked friends and colleagues and most replied or gave answers still within the definition of feminist. To be honest, men have no peculiar categorization of the sort which is not in d least still related to how well he treats a female.  It may seem irrelevant, but this are some reasons why men should be given break on all the chivalry and what not. Men are also emotional and women know and even exploit it. Men are conscious of both their physical appearance and sexual prowess so much so aggravated by society and her depiction of man from Apollo to zeus. Financial pressure?, well its only natural you would say for a man to be judged by the amount of money or assets at his disposal. I May not have all the facts but men have so much on their table and even more pressure than women. They also need a break. The woman folk have exploited the term "weaker vessel" to a point were the stronger vessel is rarely cartered for. Mothers day, world women's day, pink ribbons, mdgs and so many more are all evidence of this love men have for women as we celebrate women and not undeservedly. Point in view is, we know, we see, we allow. It is true we are different, but men also go through as much as women. 

If...

If you love
If you live
If you breathe

If you believe
If you hurt
If you dream

If you sing
If you speak
If you feel

If you dance
If you listen
If you laugh

If you do or don’t
You deserve some happiness in this life
And in eternity
Only if.

If ...

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