‘I love your hair!’, ‘you really look good today’, ‘did you put on some weight?’… Well I’ll take all that as a compliment, for now because I can’t and will not live an insecure life of scrutinizing every comment flung my way. No! I can’t live like that but must know when you are actually complimenting something about me or just making a fool out of me. Remember, I said for now and that means later or some other time I might look back and see that you were actually making fun of me and I assure you it won’t be so pleasant to see me. I may not be able to sense sarcasm immediately but you bet I’ll be able to sense a mocker when I hear one. Compliment me or not, it won’t change anything. I did not have you in mind when I was dressing up or eating or working out and I don’t give a ‘rats ass’ what you think of me now… speaking of which, just keep your thoughts to yourself. I love myself just the way I am now and I don’t need a panel of judges to tell me how to wear my hair or dress. I am wonderfully and fearfully created! Yeah! That’s right you heard me ‘FEARFULLY’ so don’t go about thinking that you are better than anyone else because it’s he who wears the shoes that knows where it pinches most.
Hope you didn’t take this personally, no harm intended
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
THIS LOVE...
Many would say that it does not exist, others still that is mere figment of imagination, but no one can question the power it wields in the world. Wars have been fought, families divided, blood has been spilt, it indeed has the power to do and of course, undo. I have experienced the overwhelming power of it and I can say that there is nothing created that can stand the force which it pulls. Once I doubted, fought and even detested the mere thought of being mastered by anything let alone this power, but my resistance lasted only as long as I was ignorant. Fate rarely calls upon us on the moment of our choosing and this is my story.
I was placed in the situation where I had the choice to walk away and never look back, I could have kept quiet but I would have missed the most wonderful feeling yet in the world, it has nothing to do with what is or is not done, or what is or is not said, it has nothing to do with where you are from but more importantly, where you are headed. I hoped I would make the exception but I just could not stand out, it took a whole lot of resistance so many years have gone by since I first set my eyes on.... I said it was not possible but I just found out that impossibilities are non-existent. I was and am still a puppet, fate has dealt me a fair hand, I had the advantage but could not take it, I could have achieved anything I dreamt of, but to what end? I had lived a life of solitude for so long I thought to myself ‘, I can do without anyone’. I had been self sufficient but seeing... it just could not be. This feeling I had suppressed for many years, I even thought I had mastered my feelings. I did not only surprise my family and those close to me, I was surprised at how quick I fell, over and over again I fell and I was not on any psychotomimetics or CNS stimulant. It was in the air and I had been infected. Now I am sick, yes I am love struck and only SHE can cure me... I have felt love and it is the sweetest, strongest singular feeling that can set me and you free. Pure love like pure honey is hard to come back but once tasted, you can sense the difference.
I have tasted PURE love and now I know the DIFFERENCE.
I was placed in the situation where I had the choice to walk away and never look back, I could have kept quiet but I would have missed the most wonderful feeling yet in the world, it has nothing to do with what is or is not done, or what is or is not said, it has nothing to do with where you are from but more importantly, where you are headed. I hoped I would make the exception but I just could not stand out, it took a whole lot of resistance so many years have gone by since I first set my eyes on.... I said it was not possible but I just found out that impossibilities are non-existent. I was and am still a puppet, fate has dealt me a fair hand, I had the advantage but could not take it, I could have achieved anything I dreamt of, but to what end? I had lived a life of solitude for so long I thought to myself ‘, I can do without anyone’. I had been self sufficient but seeing... it just could not be. This feeling I had suppressed for many years, I even thought I had mastered my feelings. I did not only surprise my family and those close to me, I was surprised at how quick I fell, over and over again I fell and I was not on any psychotomimetics or CNS stimulant. It was in the air and I had been infected. Now I am sick, yes I am love struck and only SHE can cure me... I have felt love and it is the sweetest, strongest singular feeling that can set me and you free. Pure love like pure honey is hard to come back but once tasted, you can sense the difference.
I have tasted PURE love and now I know the DIFFERENCE.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
THE LETTER...
IN THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON I SHARE THIS VERY PERSONAL LETTER...
** THE NAMES USED HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR PRIVACY PURPOSES
THE LETTER
I wish that for once I would be able to write down how I feel sometimes. Right now, I feel so drained!!! My boyfriend just told me that I’m making things difficult for his next girlfriend and that was meant to be a compliment!!! This is someone I really hoped, dreamt of a future with me the way I did with him. It’s just so sad that life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to. If wishes where horses, Victoria will spend the rest of her life with Patrick. But too bad, it’s not mine to decide, never was, will never be
In a few weeks time, I’ll be out of this school for good and many questions keep popping up: what will be my fate? Should I hold on? If I do, will I be able to trust him? More importantly, will I be able to trust myself? Will the distance affect our relationship? Somehow I know the answers to these questions but I think I’m in denial. I find it very difficult to let go. Though I know I can’t have it forever, I keep holding on till the dying minute. So here comes the million dollar question, when is the dying minute? When will there be nothing left to salvage of our relationship? When will it be all over? How would we decide that? How will I feel when this time comes? These questions, I can’t answer.
God! How was he able to make me fall so deeply in love with him/ how did it happen? When? Why can’t I just tell myself the truth and walk away? I don’t know1 all I want is to love and be loved back! All I want is to share my dreams and future with him! All I want is to have his kids! Is that too much to ask for? Apparently, yes, Victoria, it is. We are talking about a lifetime commitment here, so, yes it is too much to ask for.
Well, I’m just going to put the ball in his court and let him play it in any direction he wants to. Yeah! I know, you might say that I’m being a fool for him but what can I say, he deserves it. He is just absolutely the best guy I’ve ever known. He is my Pat.
feel free to drop a comment... really appreciated.
** THE NAMES USED HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR PRIVACY PURPOSES
THE LETTER
I wish that for once I would be able to write down how I feel sometimes. Right now, I feel so drained!!! My boyfriend just told me that I’m making things difficult for his next girlfriend and that was meant to be a compliment!!! This is someone I really hoped, dreamt of a future with me the way I did with him. It’s just so sad that life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to. If wishes where horses, Victoria will spend the rest of her life with Patrick. But too bad, it’s not mine to decide, never was, will never be
In a few weeks time, I’ll be out of this school for good and many questions keep popping up: what will be my fate? Should I hold on? If I do, will I be able to trust him? More importantly, will I be able to trust myself? Will the distance affect our relationship? Somehow I know the answers to these questions but I think I’m in denial. I find it very difficult to let go. Though I know I can’t have it forever, I keep holding on till the dying minute. So here comes the million dollar question, when is the dying minute? When will there be nothing left to salvage of our relationship? When will it be all over? How would we decide that? How will I feel when this time comes? These questions, I can’t answer.
God! How was he able to make me fall so deeply in love with him/ how did it happen? When? Why can’t I just tell myself the truth and walk away? I don’t know1 all I want is to love and be loved back! All I want is to share my dreams and future with him! All I want is to have his kids! Is that too much to ask for? Apparently, yes, Victoria, it is. We are talking about a lifetime commitment here, so, yes it is too much to ask for.
Well, I’m just going to put the ball in his court and let him play it in any direction he wants to. Yeah! I know, you might say that I’m being a fool for him but what can I say, he deserves it. He is just absolutely the best guy I’ve ever known. He is my Pat.
feel free to drop a comment... really appreciated.
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