VOYAGE... THE VALLEY AND BACK

JUST FOOLED!


How quickly was my heart ripped off my chest?
By my own hand indeed
The pain I felt, yet was clouded by the promise
The offering was made, but in a hurry

Was it the sweet scent of a rosy bed from which I just emerged?
My eyes, not accustomed to this new light
But my confidence was the source

I hardened my heart to the words of advice
All that glitters… All that glitters…
My heart won a battle it should have lost

What fool recognizes his folly? Till the very end!
Time, Energy, Resources all spent
For the lesson was well learnt

My heart still craves but the sooner I learn, the farther the grave
Fool me once… They said
I know, once is enough?
The same mistake? Never to me

I emerge from the flames like a PHOENIX
My song and my tears

Stronger is my will
This feeling is my new second nature
The pain of the past shall guide me through future travails
My heart now barely beats
And the numbness I feel will take a while

It will beat again, and again
And with each beat, I shall bleed myself
Never to be, thus fooled
My HEART I will GUARD


FROZEN

It warmed my heart each time I saw you and it was a longing yet to be satisfied
I stood in awe as you blossomed before my eyes, my heart bled freely and willingly
The offering was to be made, I had no objection, I was the lamb, willing and able

The price, foolish though it sounded, but, yes! It was love again

But my heart was jolted, not by rejection or betrayal
Hell had frozen over and so was my heart
Had I lost it? That ability to love?
Maybe it was just you, but then again, it was just you

My heart froze and my eyes darkened, for a love lost is never found
It was cold all along, it was just my warmth… but for how long

FOUND AND LOST.

I found it and for years I cherished it, LOVE? You may ask, but no. it was more than love. We were more than friends and I, being the pessimist I was, filled my mind with thoughts of its end. Friends for life? Yes, that’s what we became, but we both knew we wanted more, more from ourselves and more to give. It was, for the first time in a long while that I had myself free from my own inhibitions. 30 years have gone by now and I still see that my life would have been much more fun, plus with a lot of achievements. Now, death stares me in the face and I feel like I would only have one final wish denied, I know I can’t have this wish but it is as selfless as it is selfish. Just a hand to hold or those eyes to stare into even if it is for the last time, my eternity may as well begin with the feeling still on my skin.
We started out nothing special, no expectations just in it for the ride and what a ride it turned out to be. For a period in my life, the “I” was lost. All there was was the “US”, the “WE”, and I was tempted to believe that it was going to last for a very long time, even a lifetime. Was I wrong? Yes! I was so, so wrong. We were very clear about our feelings for each other but that negative energy, oh! That negative energy! It crept in, maybe just from word of mouth or from those horrible dreams I don’t know but it found its way in and what it has destroyed, I can not quantify. I loved her like no love has ever described and I was not afraid not to be loved back in return but she did! She loved me even more than I could accept. She loved my flaws and faults as much as she loved my perfections, she loved my entirety, the entity I was and the entity I would be, she love my past and my future, with her in it or not. And I loved her but I could not bring myself to accept that love like this could exist. It was just too much for the earth. Too positive and I feared near impossible. Don’t get me wrong I never doubted our love, what I did doubt was it blooming into the flower that everyone would come to admire and take a leaf from. So instead of nourishing this love with care, I fed it with negativity. I have but myself to blame, not only for this loneliness I feel but for what she feels. And if my wish she were to turn down, even at my deathbed, I would understand and still love her nevertheless.We were not the perfect couple or the envy of the town, no! We were just good for each other but you always hope that there could be a possibility of something better. It never happened; there was no one better, there was no other, none before and none after. I could cry now but what use would it be. I had it, I lost it and I have no one but myself to blame.

THE SAGA... IN AN IMAGINARUIM!!

MY WORDS...MY SWORD

I try to detach my self from the character I create
He is lifeless at that and I know everything is around him
Objectivity I crave so that I do not lose myself to the portrait I paint
In my mind it is highly defined

But the ARTIST must immerse himself so deep in his work
He can never be objective
His work is a reflection
His soul is somewhere within
And still out there for all to see

I can not fight a battle without spilling BLOOD
The enemy must see and feel my fury
I can not be objective
The pages are my battlefield
And my words are my weapon

They may be used against me
But its intent is to fight for me
In this battle, I fear not
For every eye, a new battle begins

VICTORY is all but short-lived
The battle stories rage on
From the little ones, through sand and time
My words, my work will be a new weapon
A sword, sharper than those before and those to come

I can not detach myself from the characters I create
I am in there somewhere
I am the breathe of life in all of them
I have but lost a part of my soul to this portrait