in life and there after

This is not a picture of a fair maiden in distress and the grandeur and bravado of her knight in shining armour. No! this is quite the opposite, of a man, a chaotic and destructive case of not really caring about anything. A man who lived in the shadows for fear of failing and never got up for fear of falling. A man surrounded by promise and stood on potentials yet some how managed to turn the ambience of Eden to the cacophony of an Armageddon. Destruction loomed heavily like a rain cloud in the spring and the sound of thunder and flashes of lightening seemed to hold no more fury than the already ravaging sea and quaking mother earth.
The defeat before the war even began, a shameless surrender was his first hand and indeed his only hand, he had slumped to his dying bed waiting for his own very breath to cease and the blood in his veins to turn cold. A corpse already in his mind, he had many a time pictured his own death and by this time he was accustomed to the smell of his decaying flesh. The stench of his vomit and feaces still strong in the air as his senses were dulled by the ever increasing density of ammonia in the air, indeed he was a living-dead.
The fresh breeze on the horizon held no promise for him and the hope of a last stand or a grand stand or any stand at all was a lost memory. He waited.
She, yes there had to be a she in this story. This ‘she’ had had enough of lies and deception. She was through with letting herself be the victim and she had every right to feel and act that way. She had always wanted more from life and was willing to give more, sometimes more than was required of her and what did she get in return? She had dried up her fountain of tears and her heart had frozen over with stone cold bitterness and red hot fury. Never again would she fall prey to lies, the same lies that had scared her severely and severally. The evidence was visible and the marks proof of the hardship she had experienced all because she wanted to live her life and do so to the fullest. She was no fool, at least not anymore and the words uttered from her mouth, a testament to the feelings her heart tried to conceal.
It is only fitting to say that one finds redemption at the least likely of places and the feeling of salvation, like a breath of fresh air to the suffocating. They found it and kicked against each other and against the wave of emotions running through their veins. It did not happen all at first sight as a lot of stories would tell it and it did not happen because it was duty, a nurse to a dying man. No! it was neither, but when the hand of fate dragged them to the same path, the will power which they had consciously built and fortified over decades with blocks and bricks of hatred and bitterness, callousness and irresponsibility, fell apart just as they looked away from each other.
Now, even when the inevitable end draws nearer and the cold hand of death grips firmly, the smile that lingers on their faces even as it is moistened with tears, their tears, you know that the power which has drawn these resolute souls out of their individual abyss must have a celestial dimension and the time spent, no matter how brief it was, was indeed worth a life time. The heavens cried that day too as the rain clouds poured forth her content with reckless abandon and the seas, likewise roared the covenant shared by these two. The covenant of love so deep that the pain of a hot piercing blade was no pain compared to the cry of a loved one.
No more pain, no more destruction.
All is well, all is beautiful.
All IS

unorthordox apology

The complexity of a single individual very many deny but it lies within the confines of nomenclature. The duality or even multiplicity of the one person makes it difficult to completely harness more or less control and with the ever growing rave of ‘the illuminati’ and the ‘new world order’, the chaos is indeed frightening bothering close and rather to close to dementia and a major psychotic case yet to be clinically studied.
I have my own complexities which I battle with because I sincerely believe in simplicity. The clarity of a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ paints a clearer picture than a still life photograph. Only if actions could be more blatant and direct and still at the same time reflect the true intentions of the ever evolving and developing mind.
All these jargon, I leave for the psycho analyst to try and make sense of, but for you the regular (no offence) human, I will try to communicate in a more basic manner.
Mistakes! The bane of our education and the mother of many an excuse such as incompetence and misunderstanding. Yes misunderstandings which we do not fore see and the consequences which envelope us and make us look a lot dumber than we actually are or than we want to be seen.
I will like to apologize fervently to you for the hardship you must be going through right now trying to figure out what this is all about but I tell you my absence has been for a reason not to sound but a reason all the same and the loves lost and found (and some lost again) during this period have created a turmoil which time is actually finding difficult to settle.
In simple words, the mind is bubbling over with emotions from the long absence and a little (or maybe more) time is needed to gather some direction.
At last, a man is coming of age and taking responsibility for actions becomes a duty along with fending for himself and those he holds dear. Forget the battle for self preservation because this is a rather content man, (or so he would like you to believe), the only battle is the battle for survival and territory and the acquisition of new frontiers now, a hobby for the already existing elite must be a target attainable by careful and detailed planning. A problem arises, he is no planner or one to fret about details, he loves results though so the means is no problem to him and here lies the problem as this man still has a really active conscience and the only thing he cherishes more than love is the peace of mind he gets when his conscience finds no fault in his dealings with other terrestrials (and sometimes extra-terrestrials).
He craves success more than happiness sometimes because in success he finds happiness, even if only momentarily. He has a weakness as all other great men before him and his mortality threatens to undermine the invisibility he has garnered over time. His fears take a new shape and start dictating for his mind, he needs a new motivation and a source of inspiration. He, like a weathered petal is on the brink of falling to the dust and facing the wrath of oblivion. He smiles and looks upon his one and only true love and realizes what his whole existence has been about. If this does not happen, if the great fall does not occur, his story will be told to little ones as a fable or a fairy tale, his is what legend is made of and the tale, as such, be told. That is the success he craves and that is the fall that precedes it. Not calculated but spontaneous
He is a man…. A man on the move. A man in search, in search of the strongest gift.
If he finds it, only time will tell but the nature within him must be conquered and the energy from within must flow.


I am deeply sorry for my nature and I regret not warning you.
I hope you find what you are looking for, I don’t have it with me.
I did not set out to hurt you, but hurting you became inevitable.
Your nature and mine hold equal responsibility, but my actions deserve and take full blame.