Resolve - Recovery

My soul, the ruins of Pompeii.
Once beautiful, now an island of graves
No eulogy, no gravestones.
Once blooming with flowers
With beautiful sunlight streaming in.
And the silent moon radiating the streams at night time .
The robins and swallows on the tree top chipping away like the world needed to hear their voice.
Yes that was my soul once.
Then the rumblings started and I knew they were fatal.
Flee? I couldn’t flee, I couldn’t leave myself behind.
Could I avert this impending danger?
Did I have the courage to suppress this tragedy?
I had to know how strong I was. How strong my good was
Now the smoke rises and the ashes settle on dead ground.
The eruption is over but in its wake lies the destruction I could not phantom
Words elude me. I stare into the bleakness of the dark that now surrounds me.
Streams of water now streams of fire.
Everything is not as it should be.
I am left with this task .
To rebuild my souls civilization.
From these ashes must come hope and the birth of a stronger soul.
This is the sole purpose of my survival.
This shall not go to waste .


Happy New Year .

How to make money in the new year without leaving the comfort of your home.

Have you seen this pop up ad when you are online?
I've seen this advertisement pop up many a time while online "make 50000 dollars daily from the comfort of your home" or "i just made 3000 by logging on to this site". Well , I have not taken the liberty to visit any such sites because in the words of Eminem, "if something seems too good to be true, that's because it is ".
Here , however is a very legitimate and authentic way to make a load of cash without moving a muscle and if all these tips are followed strictly, in no long time you would have so much money (mainly naira)
Here are the easy to do steps
1. Stay indoors
2. Do not do anything at all
3. Do not eat.
4. When you feel sick do nothing about it.
5. When anyone offers to help with food , money or a job blatantly refuse it.
6. Do not bath or shower or brush your mouth .(ever)

These tips have not been tried by anyone I know but the odds are if followed aggressively and thoroughly, whoever is involved will fall really ill and most probably die, if not from starvation then from the other depressing and sickening causes. This will give way to a flurry of spending on your behalf and thus generate a lot of cash (and well wishes) for you. The down side to this is that, you won't be around to see the cash generated but you can be guaranteed that it was gotten by you.

The kid in You

Have you ever noticed how little children fight for some level of independence from their parents even if it's just to play ? Have you observed how they run around and often glance around in search of their parents while they play? Have you seen their reaction when they fall and are about to cry? They still look around for their parents. They actually expect their parents to be watching and ready to offer some help or consolation, or sometimes with fear for the spanking to come.
This actually reminds you of you, right? Not when you were a child but right now, as an adult. You have won the battle of independence from your parents and you are enjoying your life. And for those whose parents are still alive and in good terms with them, they would tell you that they talk to their parents once in a while. Of course they won't always run to mama or papa when the chips are down, they have grown to the point where they deal with whatever comes their way. That is adulthood right? But you would agree that from time to time, you find yourself longing for the responsibility to be taken from.you, or for the approval they gave you that showed and reassured you that you were on the right path.
You still long for that parent figure from time to time, sometimes from people who are not your parents or in any way or right, positioned to be your care giver or guardian.
That's just the kid in you, the kid in us. And no matter how old we are, how strong we think we are, at some point you will have that longing, the difference is, will you act on it?

Away for far too long

Apologies my dearest people and no excuses for my long absence . I'm still committed, however to bringing to your screens the truths that would be my version of events . Thanks for your support and encouragement. Would say "I'm back" but I never really left.

THE GOOD OLD NOLLYWOOD DAYS

I am not a movie critic or at least I don’t make my bread from it but I have seen my fair share of Nollywood movies recent and not so recent and I must applaud the industry for coming this far. Many 80’s babies would always argue that the movies of the 90’s and early  2000’s were and still are the pure breed classic movies of all time in Nollywood and with the micro infiltration by the Ghanaian movie industry would say has the industry is worse off than it was. I have seen quite a few movies of late and so I base my assessment on not solely on what i have seen but also onhearsay and well professional movie critics. and the assessment of the new movies hitting the market is far from impressive.
Going back to the good days of “living in bondage” , “igodo”, “blood money” , “the oracle”, “raging storm”, "rattle snake", "Nneka the pretty serpent" and many other classic movies of the 90s, where the special effects were not so special, the industry flooded the movies produced with content;  Loads of moral content and fewer sequels. Now we have more movies with little or no content, no special effects, profanity and lewd behavior bordering on soft porn and horrible acting.
What is to blame for this decline? Is it the marketers? I’m sure you would say piracy, but the ‘alaba boys' have helped the industry but have actually done more harm to the art itself. New producers like Desmond Elliot, Stephanie Okereke, Geneviève Nnaji and the likes have found a way of shunting alaba out of the picture at least up until they have made their through cinema views before they release on DVDs. You will agree that the movies worthy of cinema in Nollywood are not as many as the daily release in alaba but the difference in quality is massive and that is enough evidence that alaba is not really interested in quality but in making millions off the same movie by branding it different names and giving it numerous sequels that overlap each other in content and duration.
However, I must acknowledge the efforts of the private corporate bodies and some state governments who have identified the importance of this sector and supported it in various ways. The Nollywood studio in calabar is a very vivid example. Hopefully in the near future, we would have our cinemas flooded with Nollywood movies of international standard and the writers and movie makers can reap the fruit of their creativity.

Aliens among US.

Consider this for a minute. What if, we humans are the alien race on earth? What if the asteroid that condemned the dinosaurs to extinction was our mighty space ship crash landing on earth and the beginning of what we now know as the human race? What if our search for alien life, alien intelligence outside of this planet is our way of finding our way back home. What if mother earth has been trying to eliminate this alien race by disease, scarcity and oxygen?
Where did we come from? Where did all the inspiration and revelations that have shaped civilization originate from?

Diary of an involuntary celibate: PART 1

It's been 2 years since I last had sex. Yes it has been that long. Not because I lost interest or because of one health reason or the other, truth is I just lost it. I wonder if I ever had it in the first place. I have doubted myself more and more with each passing day. I figured out my problem a few months ago. I couldn't seem to seal the deal, I was always stuck in the unwanted zone of friendship, the initial flair that attracted the ladies seemed to die out after a few dates, actually after the second date. I just became boring and what promised to be a blooming romance died even before it could smolder.
I couldn't seem to trace the origin of my problem though the last lady I dated was not really the origin, I however noted the events that led up to my dating her. Her name was Esther, and before I dated her, I was on a mini draught. I just broke up with my high school love Oyin. We had dated for about 3 years before she found out she was too good for me. She got a job at one of the biggest audit firms in the country and moved to the high brow areas in the city. We both lived in the same town but seeing each other became a burden. So she dumped me for no reason and my friends Victor and Hassan scouted Esther after 3 months as a suitable replacement. Esther was sweet and lovely and the sex was good but I found out I had forgotten how to woo a lady or seduce her. I never had to seduce Oyin, she loved sex and was very open about what she wanted and when she wanted it. I and Oyin had sex on the 2nd date of our official dating and it had been very frequent after that. With Esther I faced the rude shock of how unskilled I was at seducing the opposite sex . Most of the flings I had while I was with Oyin were either her friends or girls who saw Oyin and wanted to steal me away from her. Oyin had a way of making me look more desirable. No, I wasn't a saint with Oyin but I was discreet in my affairs. Truth is I really missed Oyin and wanted Esther to be her or at least the sex should be like Oyins but it wasn't and I didn't know how to ask, never had to ask with Oyin and I guess I never really learnt the tricks.
So its been 2 years since my last sexual relationship with Esther, the one and only sexual relationship I had with Esther before she left town and I never heard from her again and now I am at girlfriend potential number 13 and I think I'm beginning to genuinely like her and now I am getting myself prepped for the disappointment of failing to seal the deal yet again. What is a man to do?

GENDER EQUALITY AND THE REGULAR BRUHAHA!!!

EQUALITY: from a mathematical or scientific point could be argued to be more than a mere substitution, so the ‘equal to’ sign or the ‘=’ was invented to indicate that whatever is on one side of the ‘=’ is exactly the same as what is on the other side. In theory, this is easy to appreciate when 3 is equal to 2+1 and stuff like that. In reality and more often in human beings, it seems to be just a non-pragmatic view. ‘all animals are equal, but some are more equal than the others’, that is from the Animal Farm by George Orwell, but this isn’t about animals or humanity, it is the battle of the sexes that has been going on for ages. Some say men are superior and are branded chauvinist while those who think otherwise are simply branded feminist or plain ignorant.

I was asked a while ago if I believe in gender equality and I replied with a resounding NO! Does that make me a non-feminist or a chauvinist? May be but what equality are we talking about? Equality as humans? Of course, I do not think any human is superior simply based on their sex; I however think and believe that all females are equal and all males are equal. To begin to ask for equality between the male and female gender would simply be to start asking who is a better footballer. A keeper who saves 50% of the penalties shot at him or a striker who scores 50% of his penalties.

Are men the same as women? Are they both wired in the same way? You may argue that both can do similar things and all that, but the fact is that men are predominantly dominant, and women are not. Men are more aggressive; they had no choice in the hormones that flow in their blood as the females too will argue. Menstruation, PMS, pregnancy, labour and child birth, menarche, menopause, men have no idea how it feels to go through all these in one life time, some, more than once in a life time, but they have their own cross one of which is not physical but mental, EGO.

Men are not equal to women, never have and never will and it isn’t because of the men are up there but simply because they are not in the same field. If a woman wants equality with a man, she should ask why she has to ask for equality from a man. Women are not below men either they are just not equal. In science we have the equality signs. (=) equal to; (>) greater than (<) less than, (≤) less than or equal to;(≥) greater than or equal to(≠)not equal to. There is only one relationship in terms of equality between the sexes and that is simply NOT EQUAL which means that they should not be equated ever.

If you can argue that they should be equated then you should prove to me that they are the same. Asides from the singularity and unity of humanity, men are from mars and women are from venus. That is 2 planetary bodies revolving around the sun at different orbits.

3 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT JULY (ALREADY)

The month of July ushered in the 2^nd half of the year and a lot of promise. Many would argue that this year has been tumultuous and unpredictable with many trends disappearing and our girls still missing. The unrest in some parts of the country and the world indeed doesn’t seem to abate but it may seem that the worst has past. However, 3 things have already occurred in the month of July to indicate a trend that would seem to persist till the near future.

1.       The world cup. Predictable or unpredictable? No one can comfortably bet that they have foresight into the outcome of any of the remaining matches, both in terms of score line or in terms of overall outcome. With the Netherlands thrashing of the defending champions to the surprise inclusion of Costa Rica and Colombia in the elimination stages, few would bet that the host, brazil would be getting a football tutelage at the hands of the Germans but that is why this world cup has in its right being coined the best one yet.

2.       The embers are approaching (ember month). And with them the high crime rate, already stealing and robbery have been on the increase and that can only be checkmated by the security forces who we have concluded in our minds are ineffective. The missing girls may yet return and the bomb blast may halt or reduce but the general security within our borders still is a bother. Community policing however is a sign of hope. If it is successful in Lagos hopefully it would be implemented nationwide and maybe we can start feeling at home in our country.

3.       Hope is high. And why shouldn’t it. The 2^nd half gives a seemingly new start to everyone and the outlook is like the first of January albeit without fun fare and parties or holidays. Most people would like to look back and correct the mistakes of the first half or improve on it if no mistakes were discovered, but the general consensus is one of optimism. That seems to be the way to go even in the face of stiff opposition and harsh criticism, optimism smolders the flame of hope and second or new chances as the case may be.

So the second half is still in its infancy and a lot can still happen. We are going to see a new world champion come the 12^th of July and it wont be brazil or spain or Nigeria, but it will be a glorious final.

SUPER EAGLES, TWITTER AND THE NATIONAL CONFERENCE: NO GOOD RESULT

Living is generally difficult, but living in Nigeria is another reality. Everyone is angry at one thing or the other. I am not just talking about those on the streets but every single Nigerian living within the shores of this country who has a good idea of how this country works. The fundamental cause of all the problems we have is bad leadership and of course NEPA or whatever it is called these days. These problems in any other country of similar status would be embroiled in a major war or invasion from Europe or The USA but we are Naija and “we don see tings”. Lagos is just a mad house on its own and we Lagosians are so accustomed to the constant madness that its absence is never craved. We long for the fight between the conductor and the “agberos” at the bustop, or the police vs Army fight, or the Lastma vs Other Government officers fight. We long for the opportunity to cross the express when the pedestrian bridge is not far off just because the bridges are too steep or shaky. We rely on what we have and expect it to be enough. We expect the Super Eagles to fight for wages and still go on to win the world cup simply because we are Nigerians. We would love the first Lady to come on air and lament the display of the super eagles so we can have something else to laugh at, like she hasn't done enough already. Our missing girls are still missing and we are waiting for Jack Bauer and co to go capture the Militants threatening our country’s sovereignty. Nigerians are just proudly frustrated and all these episodes are ways to channel these frustrations. We do not expect the government to proffer any long term solution or any solution at all for that matter. We have given the government plenty of occasions to prove that they are a government and not a cabal of cake hungry politicians, they have failed miserably and so we know we can’t do anything to them. They are like military men in civilian uniforms and we see it as a "no alternative" government because the military in military uniform will Jail you for hash tagging an officers name. At least we have freedom of speech in this government. So if Jonathan doesn't bring back our girls or the super eagles disappoint in the world cup, whether it is their fault or the fault of unseen circumstances, we take out our collective frustration on whichever scapegoat comes our way. This is our means of escape from the ever increasing sources of anger, twitter, BBM, Facebook. We rant and rant until whoever we have marked has committed suicide then we collectively blame social media and the devil.

So to my fellow countrymen, be careful of the numerous frustrated people out there. They prey on your weaknesses and failure and exploit your silence. They hide behind hash tags on social media to vent their national disappointment. We know it is the fault of the government and we know the government is not a person so we look for the most recent “F-UP” and label them. This won’t solve the problem in anyway, just like the National Conference wont, but we do it anyways and delight in the activity devoid of results. This is the Naija way. For now we try to change it as we live with it. I am rather sure we won’t always need a committee to seat before a solution is proffered to the why we are not a world power or No. 1 in FIFA ranking. The Blame game however is not the way to go but as the saying goes "na u get ur mouth"

Chances lost

I saw her for the first time in 21 years. I did not believe that I'd still recognize her, especially as I wasn't expecting to see her. Not at that moment, not like that. It was a very crowded bus stop and she just appeared like a vision before me. She had grown up a lot and a lot of her features had considerably matured. She was now a woman. The innocence was no longer in her eyes like I knew it back then. It was neither in mine. I knew we both had changed, I hoped I would not recognize her again but her eyes had not lost its glimmer. After all these years I could still remember those eyes. In the midst of my uncertainty and dilemma I just stood there and did nothing as she walked past me. She couldn't recognize me or was she just exhausted from a busy day at work? Whatever it was that happened in that moment, I let her pass me by. I could have called out her name and maybe then she would recognize me and run into my arms and say "oh, I have been waiting for this day" or something of the like. I just watched her pass, I could have done the spooky thing and follow at a safe distance to locate her house or destination. I assumed she would always come through this route for some reason I can't make sense of now but after 3 years of going to that bus stop by 2.pm everyday hoping to see her again, I guess I will never get another chance to see her. I can only console myself that it was never meant to be. I have lost the opportunity to meet my IFUNANYA.

Super Eagles, Brazil and Pharell Williams "Happy".

Goals in every match till the super Eagles came along, many super Eagles die hard fan will say that it was bound to happen at some point, but the regular sense of reason will ask the Balotelli question, "why always me?" , me in this case being the Nigerian team currently at Brazil. Many will continue to argue we could do better and I won't argue with that philosophy, we should always believe that we can even if we know it is mightily steep, the odds stacked against us. I would have been dancing to a "happy" titled song if that draw was against the mighty Argentina but I will still save that dance for the last match against Argentina, why? Because I believe we can still get a good performance and an even better result against the star studded Argentine team. First up though is the debutants. Looks a difficult task and ask seeing how the Bosnian team played in their last match but we are naija and we are super. Bosnia and Herzegovina had better be afraid. We don't fly in Iran but we cruise in Europe and as no one is writing Spain off, watch out for Nigeria.
Meanwhile, i'd keep listening to Sergio Mendes rendition of "masqenada" till after the game with Argentina.

And a few days later we are in the second round. do we stand a chance against the French? one way to fine out. We beat them and they g home otherwise we play our hearts out.

RICH KID POOR KID

This is not like the rich dad poor dad episode, this is the reality of some lives around you, all over the world. This is the evidence of polarity and discrimination that can never be erased or destroyed, at least not in our life time. Not because we (this generation and many generations before ours) have not tried, but simply because it is what it is. This is life.

RICH KID:

Goes to the best schools available from infancy, intelligence is not in question, he excels, some say because of the enabling environment he finds himself in, others, because he is naturally gifted and still others because his parents have paid the price and bought excellence for him. He graduates at a very young age because his schools do not go on strike and comes back to the country to integrate and know his roots and his people. He is extravagantly rewarded on his return, with a certificate in hand, the minimum requirement for any graduate, but he has more. Even when he was “abroad” he won several local and international scholarships, many would say he didn’t deserve it or more importantly, he didn’t need it. He got it nonetheless. His return is coloured with fun-fare and a contract of employment in one of the top companies in the industry of his interest. The top of his worries is the traffic and the harshness of the Nigerian sun on his very delicate skin.

POOR KID:

Attends a public school until the level of corruption in it pushes his parents to withdraw him from the public school to a very expensive private school in the country. After a few years he drops out because his parents can no longer afford the fees. He manages to seat for entrance examinations to the unity schools with affordable fees although it is very far-away from home. He survives the harshness of the local boarding school system and is successful in all his certificate exams. His return home is greeted with a list of expectations as his parents have both retired from the country’s civil service and are expecting their pension and gratuity (if it ever comes). He scores high in the matriculation exam, but he knows no one in the university admin office to push his admission through even after he scored way above the schools cut off mark. He finally gets the admission albeit after 3 attempts to study the course of his dreams. His stay in school is frustrated by lack of infrastructure, strikes and lecturers trying to sell hand-outs to pass their course. He survives this and graduates. The expectations are even higher from home but he knows now that he has to get, not just any job but a good job to take of his ageing and ailing parents and to elevate his status. Maybe he would break in to the elite group and buy a house on the island or ikoyi. The top of his worries? How long will he have to continue like this?

It is not a level playing ground. Never was and never will. Strength, however is required to break in to the upper echelons of the society and more strength to remain there. 

Be

What to be
Its easy
Good or bad
Evil is much deeper
But only one
Not both
Good is good
Bad is good
Evil is better
Be good
Or be evil
Be the best however
At being whatever
But be
The good in evil
Or the evil in good
There is no middle ground
Be

The New Love

I've heard a lot of the current accepted trends in relationships. It's the modern guidelines to dating, they call it. The theme? Love is not enough. Funny enough this trend is not propagated by just single or newlyweds but by couples with decades of experience in the marriage institute. So, what ado about love and marriage and all the "in-betweens"? Is the statement correct? Or are we being slowly encouraged to put love in the back seat of a relationship? I am compelled to agree with the later. People are different and so are their opinions but I must say that asides from compatibility of a sexual kind and the absence of abuse, all other arguments against or undermining the importance or significance of love should be thrown out. What is the point of a relationship if not founded and built on love? Most people propagating the "love is not enough" campaign quickly jump and say things like, money, career and all other things and I agree with them to some extent that they are needed in a relationship but not at the expense of love. Love can become enough when all these things are in place but if they are in place and love is absent, what becomes of it? Is it enough to be comfortable and lonely? Many would argue that they would rather cry in a limo than on a bicycle. Who wouldn't? At some point however, love would be all that matters. At that point love would be enough.
I however would like to remind everyone out there that as much as the theme of marriage is love and family and togetherness, it is not a bed of roses. It also comes with a "for better for worse" clause. This clause is one most people like to split. They would gladly take the "for better" part and do away with the "for worse part". When the going is good and your partner is performing all his or her duties and the world is sweet and you can't think of anything better than where you are, love would seem to be enough  or should I say comfort is enough because that is what most modern relationships crave, the kind of comfort that money can buy. When the chips are down and time gets harder and everything you hoped for starts crumbling down, the career, security and money all disappears, what then? When times get harder than either of you anticipated, that is when love is tested. Marriage is not a sign of love now-a-days and that is a sad trend. People marry conveniences and fill comfortable preaching "love is not enough", well I can guarantee that no matter how much money or success your career or job gives you, it will never be enough. Humans always want more and that is a given, but when we are faced with the tough times, we become aware that the person you got married to out of convenience also married you out of convenience and devoid of that convenience, there is no way that selfishness wont creep in and destroy what you once called beautiful (convenience or comfort is what I call it).
Love may not be enough but what else is? What else can replace love?
I wont say love is enough rather I would say "love is all that matters".

Karma this. Karma that.

Karma, I've heard lots about you. How you go round giving people what they deserve? Well, I guess you are kind of partial or I just don't get what your role is in the grand scheme of things.
Who does karma work for? The highest bidder? The most outrageous situations? God? One thing is sure, karma doesn't work for me. Not that I'm in the business of revenge or reward for the loyal, but karma doesn't seem to have a code of conduct. It seems karma doesn't exist in real life, only in movies where the bad guy gets his due at the eventuality of the movies end or in stories where the author controls the fate of each character by his own moral code. In real life, being good or honest or fair doesnt mean you will be visited with kindness and love and justice. No! What actually happens is that the rest of the world uses you and your goodness as a foot mat and no one will remember to say "thank you". In real life, the "bad guys" get away with whatever they do. Just because you are good doesn't mean anyone will be good to you. Just because you are honest doesnt mean those around you will be honest to you. And while you are hoping good will triumph in this world and karma will be faster in carrying out her duties of serving out justice, evil still thrives and well, karma is probably in a shopping mall buying the latest hand bags and accessories to keep up with the trend. This is really sickening and rather depressing, and yet the larger population benefits from karmas benevolence and reluctance to deliver justice to all. The larger population is not divided into good vs evil or predators vs prey. Everyone is a victim, no one is good or evil. It's easy to judge people based on their actions but karma doesn't work that way. It's deeper, it's not even by the ratio of good deeds to evil deeds. But like the ying-yan will describe the human person, its a mixture of good in evil and evil in good. Nobody holy pass. So get off that high horse and know that you too would be on the recipients list of karmas wrath if karma were to operate by human rules or ideas. Eventually, we hope everyone gets what they deserve, but then again what would be the point of mercy, second chances and humanity.

THE PROBLEMS MEN HAVE WITH FEMALES

I am quite sure you must have seen the write up on how all women's problems begins with “men”, the menstruation, menopause and mental problem bit. Well men also have loads of problems with women though the problems don’t begin with women as prefix. The problems men have with women are rather obvious and men being men will not whine about it, at least not in public or in her presence. Here are just a few, from when she is born till well into her womanhood.

1. Tears. Female babies cry and don’t stop crying till they are fully grown. They shed tears for everything. I hadn’t heard of “tears of joy” or “crocodile tears” till I met a woman. We do not like to see or make you cry but ladies, please stop using it as a means to blackmail the male folk. It works sometimes but we are building an immunity towards it.
2. Puberty. You know how guys and girls play hide and seek as kids? well, all that stops once she hits puberty. Most girls just lose all sense of courtesy and respect for the elder men in their neighbourhood once they start getting the curves and the hips starts swaying (by force or by nature).  We enjoy the transition and thank the good Lord for the curves, but do not throw the manners and respect out too. 
3. Sex. Yes! Men admit it all the time, we love sex. We love sex with women and during the act most men are made to believe that women also enjoy sex. Why then do females tend to use sex as a reward for a man’s “good behaviour”? Some would even argue that women could actually enjoy sex more than men (I doubt that). Now sex is used by women to manipulate a lot of innocent young men.
4. Colours and taste. Men are simple creatures, we like blue shirts and brown chinos pants, we like cola flavoured beverages and alcohol. When it comes to colours, science even admits that most men are colour blind. It is in our nature to blend all shades of grey, or blue or pink to be the same colour, no aqua blue or fuchsia pink or stuff like that. It is blue or pink as far as we are concerned.
5. Periods. Most men would agree that when it is that time of the month for their ladies, they go through hell. First it is PMS and mood swings which are often erratic and sometimes violent, then the blood. These would be a good time to go on vacation for men who can afford it but that would be INSENSITIVE. For 5 plus days, men are guaranteed a “no action” period(this has changed), no matter how horny the man may be. The only good thing about periods (for single men and couples who are not ready for children) is that it confirms that the lady is not pregnant.
6. Power. When a woman is in a position of power , the world will know. Power intoxicates men but what it does to women is yet to be described. It is like a volcanic eruption from a valley. We know women are as good at leadership as men, some may even argue that women are better leaders, but is all the power associated drama necessary?
7. Driving. Men simply have a problem with women driving.
These are just a few, but we know you ladies are not perfect and we love you nonetheless, however, we would love you to whine a little less about how we are the cause of global warming and fuel scarcity in the world. We will squeeze the toothpaste tube from the sealed end and raise the toilet seat before we urinate as a sign of our love. Football and hanging out with the boys will however, still go on for a long time to come.

START STOPPING: the oxymoron of the season.

As opposed to “stop starting” which is for quitters or those in the process of evaluation or re-evaluation, start stopping would be seen to be a more positive venture into the gradual cessation of a habit or vice. 
Vices, we all have one or more. The reason for having a vice could differ with individuals but at some point, one may choose to stop or desist from a particular vice, either temporarily or on a more permanent base when the senses are functioning to their full capacity. I encountered a young man recently who claimed to have all the major vices of an ordinary man, drugs, alcohol cigarettes, women (sex) and the life of the party even when he could not afford it. He asked me to choose a vice for him, one which he would not give up because as he said “every man needs a vice”. He asked for my opinion and I gave it to him and then I asked myself, “What vices do I have?”, and more importantly, “what vices should I give up?”. Many people around the world during this season of lent will seek a vice to do without and many people (cynics and critics) would argue the essence of dropping the said vices and habits during lent only to relapse and go back to them after Easter. Why give up alcohol or smoking, sex or any other bad habit for 40 plus days only to be seen repeating them sometime after Easter? Some would dare to question, “who are you deceiving?”. Well, the answers would vary as to why you or anyone else should stop a habit for a period of 40 plus days especially during lent as the church would encourage her members to do and these answers would suit people differently but one essence of the period of lent is simply to start stopping these vices, dropping them one by one and gradually till the addiction and allure of such vices no longer ensnare the perpetrators.
Sometimes, starting is the hardest aspect and the vices seem bigger than they actually are because we are so used to living with them that we can’t imagine living without them. The trick is, as we all are in the period of dropping vices, together we start stopping and get strength, not only from within but from seeing others in the same struggle with vices and giving as good as they got to stop.
It will be gradual and painful but let the season be one where we start stopping our vices and long after the period of lent keep on stopping whatever vices till we have overcome them or it as the case may be.

How to get inspiration (FOR THE BLANK MINDED ARTIST).

Every form of art is traced to a source or multiple sources of inspiration. However, most creators of art or “artist” as some would love to be called draw blanks, literally and figuratively. Inspiration seems to desert them when they seem to need it. This is the worst thing that can happen to any creator of art. What is an artist without his art? Can you be called a singer without a song or a painter without a painting? Most established names in the arts like Leo da Vinci and Pablo all had a variety of sources of inspiration and these sources of inspiration were not easy to come by, some were just at their doorstep while others were so distant that they had to move their entire equipment to the site of inspiration. Getting inspiration in this present day seems a major task for many a creator of art and most people who claim to be artist just steal other great artist’s works and claim the credits for a work they can barely explain. The beauty of the greatest works of art lies in the revelation of not only the technique of execution or the attention to detail and perfection but importantly in the source of inspiration.
For artists who are struggling with inspiration, here are a few tips on not only how to get inspiration, but also how to stay inspired.
1. Eyes on the prize. If the goal of your art is money, fame or immortality, keep that at the fore of your mind. Motivation will inspire you.
2. Get high. For some that could mean taking a physiological stimulant, and others it could be a psychological stimulant, however stay away from lethal doses of any form of stimulant except you do not intend to see the rewards of your art.
3. Stop and stare. This could entail looking what other artists are doing in your area even if they are not in the same field as you are. Stop and appreciate other forms of art and submerge yourself in their work, music, painting, architecture, literature, whatever they do.
4. Thou shall not discriminate!!! Inspiration is what you seek and it can be found anywhere. Do not think less of a place, situation or person as they could be your next source of inspiration.
5. Have you heard of patience? Yes, she will test your resolve and if you have her, you might as well have a free pass in the halls of Aso Rock. Sometimes it is just a matter of time before the next big thing shows up in your mind.
6. Boundaries? Discard all of them, inspiration resides just outside your boundaries.
7. Relax! Tension is toxic for you and more importantly, for inspiration, let go of all anxiety its unnecessary and a waste of energy.
8. Read my blog over and over again!!! Yes and other blogs, as many as you can. It is like you having a sneak peak into peoples minds, mine inclusive.
If you know anyone who is in need of inspiration and seems lost, do that person a favour and recommend this blog (and other similar blogs). This is inspiration haven and it is not as hidden as Atlantis, just let them have access  to this fountain of inspiration and to the other blogs that inspire mine and watch the world become a better place.
Now, go out there and JUST DO IT.

TAKING A LEAF FROM THE ARSENAL FANS

I have tried and tried to hold myself back from ranting and I think the time for silence is over, not as if those who need to hear this will read or implement what I write hear but we can only wish and hope that it would do some good to the other aching hearts out there that bleed as red as mine. It would be overstating the issue however that this season in the self-acclaimed “best league in the world” that for the first time since my football watching IQ had developed and the passion for the sport has caused many a quarrel between myself and a number of girlfriends and family and roommates, I actually have no reason to look forward to watching my beloved team every other week. I would have been consoled if the only problem was inconsistency or injury or even cluelessness but I dare say that the red mancunians who have, for the past 2 decades have thrived on excellence have a more harmful enemy, mediocrity. I pray for the sake of my love that I am wrong but the one time great team, recently managed by the legend, Sir Alex now looks more average than most sides without being able to gather any momentum whatsoever, on and off the pitch. I hope Moyes is the man for his own sake because managing a club like Manchester united is no mean feat and his failures this season only go to highlight how legendary and epic the feat of SAF has being for the past 20 years. I can imagine the players listening to a half time talk after a dreadful first half performance, after being accustomed to a brutal hair dryer for many years listening to the new manager who has no pedigree locally or in Europe. Rooney might be thinking “what does he know about winning championships?” and Ferdinand , “this is school boy basics mate, we need more”. We all know what Vidic has being saying “he can’t do any better than he did at Merseyside”. This might be early days for him and the results so far speak against him, he may have time and like Brendan Rodgers begin to build a side many would argue are already past their prime, but if the recent managerial sacking doesn’t get to old Trafford soon, many a Manchester United fan would like to take a leaf from arsenal fans and know that for the next decade or so, we shall embark on our days in trophy wilderness.
The BPL trophy could head to London, that I would hate very much or to the red of Merseyside which is not entirely impossible but for the trophy to remain in Manchester , some (myself inclusive) would argue would be deserving of a Manchester City side brimming with goals and one of the most lethal attacking line ups in Europe. One thing is for sure, arsenal fans have tried and Manchester united will not win a trophy this season.
MAY THE BEST TEAM WIN!!! 

HOW TO AVOID BEING "YABBED" BY YOUR PEERS

Yab (slang): (v) making jest or fun of someone usually in a fun way e.g. basket mouth can yab. 
The art of yabbing has being a source of social integration among men so much so it stands as a ritual of some sort for recruiting or initiating strangers into the league of friends. Among men who have known each other for a while, this is very common. Men, unlike females do not take offence when being insulted by their peers especially in  a social and friendly gathering, this makes yabbing acceptable but it could be a problem when what they say seems more believable and it starts happening too often. The irony of yabbing is that any thing or person can be used to yab you. Your girlfriend, job, body feature, failures or even success can be used to yab.Yabbing is a part of most conversations involving young men and is often restricted to ‘members’ of the park. The fact remains that to survive in these circles of friendship you have to grow some sort of thick skin towards these harsh words thrown your way. Most would liken yabbing to psychological bullying among grown men. To completely avoid it is often impossible and could result in ‘expulsion’ from the park or a general coldness of your men towards you and violent attacks or physical assault is often punished by a group beating. In these sceneries, the weakest or smallest member of the park yabs a much bigger friend to the point of infuriating him and he loses his cool and wants to attack this minnow who has defeated him in a simple mind and word game. This stage is usually nipped by other members and a brief moment of reflection commences before the routine yabs begin again. However, to avoid being the yabbed most, here are a few tips.
1.Silence is not key. Keeping quiet in these situations doesn’t help much. Its like being in a boxing ring and just resort to receiving all the punches your opponent throws at you.
2.Evade as much as possible, look for other members who are worse than yourself with respect to the topic of the yab or can be potential prey for the next line of attack.
3.Laugh out loudest. This would throw your attacker of balance for a short period while others would be shocked and join in in the laughter session
4.Yab yourself first. This is the oldest trick in the book. If you use your flaws against yourself, no one will be able to use it against you.
5.Make sure your retorts and response and short and direct and as much as possible more hilarious than that of your attacker, you would have scored more points using fewer seconds to yab than to spend a whole minute and ending up with a dry joke. Be mean, aggressive and merciless when responding, if need be, hit below the belt. This is not a fair game so don’t play fair. Include words like "thick" and "hefty" to buttress your point.
6.When you notice everyone is on your case, escape, excuse yourself and take a breather. By the time you return, the attention would be on something or someone else
7.When such gatherings are anticipated, encourage your friends to come with their girlfriends or spouses, men tend to behave better in the presence of their significant other. You would encourage a yab free gathering, especially when you have no aces up your sleeve or you are just not good at yabbing others.
8.Observe all your friends closely and take notes, exaggerate their flaws and mimic them in the worst possible way and that way your yabs would hit home faster. Be graphic and explicit.
9.Blend in with the lead yabber at any point, side with the winning team, if they are not your favorite person, when you attack, it is sure to penetrate deeper and be as shocking as any surprise attack.
10.Finally, do not take a yab personal. It’s just fun and if you can’t handle it, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. If you don’t want to be yabbed, do not yab others (or laugh when others are yabbed).
Till the next we meet on “HOW TO”, stay yab free and happy.

Much ado about Valentine's day.

Its Vals day, and the town is literally red with heart shaped decor adorning every office, shop and street. Young couples battle with what to buy for their existing lovers or potential lovers. This day is a day to make an impression. The sex or should I say "love making" preparations are mind blowing and is on as we speak. The days leading up to Val and the days after are very intense for young couples and lovers. Most elderly people and those in religious positions of leadership have questioned the so called celebration, but that won't dampen the spirit of the youth who are all about the love they want to express.
So, love is in the air and all lovers want to be loved. Even if you don't have a lover, or are not in a single relationship, if you have one or more suitors or lovers, if you got a gift for that special person or from that person or both, do not let the show of intense affection and love cease after today. I guess most will nurture their love and let a solid relationship bloom from today. To existing couples, it is no competition to out do your lovers ex or to expect to be swept off your feet today by your lover or spouse.
The rave is on, radio gingles and star studded shows are on display. Take your love to a memorable occasion today. And if it is love, it will be as beautiful as it should be. Most however promote the strong resemblance of love, LUST.
Unleash your passions and desires, let the fire of love engulf you and your partner(s) and follow the trend. It's just a day for wild and uninhibited romance. Sweep her off her feet, have that unforgettable moment and may many more days of love and passion be enjoyed by you.
Do not take advantage of this day however to ruin a life, yours or someone else's. And try to avoid unwanted issues that could be created from the euphoria of the occasion. It's just Vals day so share some genuine love and let love, true love lead.

Diary of a self righteous.

There are those who just do the craziest things and you wonder when karma will catch up with them. Wura was one such girl. I met her in school and she showed me the wild side of life. I am still rather reserved based on the way I was brought up, but Wura, she was crazy and that is fundamentally an understatement. I always told her to slow down, she never really listened. She would say "Zinny, you are in a cage, let go and enjoy life". I never listened to her, I felt karma would catch up with her. I was waiting. Last month Wura put to bed, her 3rd child from her very wealthy husband who spoils her at every opportunity. They went to Seychelles for their honeymoon, he bought her a Porsche 911 after their first son and she had the second in Canada. They have traveled round the world and I am still here waiting for Karma to catch Wura. I am still single though and I know I will find my own husband very soon. I will be 37 in June but I really don't look my age at all. When karma catches up with Wura, I will be there, not to laugh in her face but to be a shoulder to support her. Anyways, Wura is lucky so far, lets see how far her luck will carry her.

3 modern signs of INSECURITY

So my dear, you are in a relationship. It's probably past the honeymoon phase and into the "let's make this a love story" phase. The hard part of every relationship is when REAL LIFE sets in on 2 of you. It's a good thing, it truly is. But most times, one persons insecurity ruins it. Here are just 3 signs to watch out for. It maybe you who exhibits them or worse, your partner.
1. Does he/she long to go through your phone. Pictures, mails and messages?
2. Does he/she frequently visits your social media pages to check who you "poked" or whose picture you "liked" or whose tweet you replied or retreated?
3. Does he/she use a hidden number or a strange voice to call you at random times.

Well, you can smile now cos these 3 signs are just all you need before you kick down the door, and storm into their room with fingers waving in the air and a stern look on your face, and confidently say, "you, my dear are insecure". Whilst you are at it be sure to make sure you are not the reason for the symptoms your partner is showing.
Show some love though and kiss them right after the accusation.

GAY & PROUD?

So the president signs the anti-gay bill into law. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Does it affect us as a people or is it a very irrelevant bill that has no bearing on the more pressing issues affecting the masses?

Maybe it does not affect us or improve the roads or the state of power supply, doesn’t make that bill irrelevant. Some things matter more now, you would say, but how does this law and many others affect us presently and maybe in the future.

I am not a political analyst but I think I know some facts.

• There is a gay population in the country. I know this for a fact

We as a people do not see homosexuality as a mental disorder but more of an abomination and anomaly that must not be encouraged.

Many people who will suffer the consequences of the law are the few poor people whom I doubt will ever come out openly and say they are gay.

The gay community in Europe and America has a lot of politicians and celebrities who pushed and kicked against what they called sexual discrimination. It worked for them, it didn’t work here though.

The bill, along with the Yerima issue of child marriage goes a long way in defining who we are as a nation. Or does it?

• Most people discriminate against homosexuals (especially the male aspect) because the bulk of the community is heterosexual and homosexuality goes against what a heterosexual society believes in.

Nigeria is a heterosexual society. A very heterosexual one.

The law kicks against homosexual marriage or open show of homosexuality in public or any homosexual act that becomes public knowledge. Be careful whom you go home with.

• It does not stop people from being homosexual, but at least it prohibits the act in the country. It is a crime and punishable under the law.

The law shows to a large extent that the majority of the law makers elected by the people of this country are not homosexual or inclined towards that sexuality,.... for now.

For the homosexual community they would remain trapped in the closet. Let us hope, for their  sake that no one opens that closet. Some will however go looking for that closet.

"Sending a homosexual person to prison should be enforced if a homosexual man should serve his 14 year term in a female prison and is forced to shower or bath (if they do that in Nigerian prisons) with the other female inmates. That could change his sexual orientation on the long run."

• Most Nigerians will not report a case of homosexuality to the police, neither will the culprit confess to such when accused of it so the case of evidence to show ones sexuality will have to be defined and practicalised in whatever way possible.  However the inhuman and degrading acts they would be subjected to when found out would be intolerable....and filmed with a mobile phone and put on the internet.

I can say that GEJ has balls for signing the bill despite the loads of pressure from US and Europe to quell the process of passing the bill to law. These people have legalized abortion and weed(we should legalize the latter too), and they intend for the rest of the world to follow suit even if it is wrong , just because they are world powers does not make them right or God.

We all are waiting for the first Nigerian celebrity or politician to openly say they are gay so we can start a long process of ‘what happens now’ and ‘let us see what will happen’. Maybe, Jonathan will no longer be president when this happens.

• Whoever decides to come out of the closet on their sexuality had better come out from a closet in US or any other country that allows for homosexuality.

If your closet is in Nigeria, it should also contain a third party, for the gay men, a lady and for the lesbians, well its easy , except you are an ugly lesbian, men will keep chyking you and you can easily say your lesbian friend is your ‘bestie’. Men don’t do besties like women do so the gay closet has to have a third party that is either sworn to secrecy or will never find out. Nigerian ladies will find out.

• As with heterosexual relationships that have not being brought to the alter or court room, a lot of discretion would still be advised.

One question though, When a homosexual who has served his term (or her term) of 14 years in prison, and they still remain homosexual, will they be sent back for another 14 years?

How to make a New Year resolution and stick to it for at least 300 days.

 

It is a New Year and it is only traditional that after the merriment and funfair that ushers in the New Year, we retreat for a few moments and take up the singular responsibility of making a resolution. This resolution could range from a single habit to an entire lifestyle modification. Whatever shape or form your New Year resolution may take, here are a few tips to help you meet your expectations.

1.        Set the bar reasonably high. Most people would want a total overnight make over. From regular to superhuman in a very short while. This may be possible but likely improbable for the majority of “resolutionist”. Whatever you might want to achieve with your resolution that has made you give 52weeks of the year to achieving is definitely not minced meat, so put a lot of thought into it and do not scare yourself with superhuman task that you would probably abandon by august

2.       It is 12 months and a lot of days. Time is on your side (except you are 80 and want to be an Olympic sprinter). Most things if not all are achievable when broken down into smaller simpler units so do the same to your resolutions and take each tiny bit and accomplish it within that period.

3.       Start. It’s as simple as that. Just get up and start, and do not stop till you notice an improvement.

4.       Do it today. Simply put, do not procrastinate. Today is a good day to get started and a good day to keep going.

5.       Records are important. This could work in 2 ways, it could show you how far you have come or it could show you how much is left. Either ways, a positive attitude would help you look at the challenges and strive to overcome. Get that positive attitude from anywhere you can and never let it go

6.       Take a break. Just do this sparingly so as not to stall or hinder the progress or gathering momentum but enough to prevent burnout which is a major setback.

7.       Reward yourself. Yes! Once you have accomplished a sizeable chunk of work reward yourself with a healthy dose of gratitude, try to avoid relapse also. However do not dwell on present success. Keep going

8.       Setbacks are a must. Hiccups and life will always interfere in your progress so expect it, prepare for it and equip yourself to survive. These setbacks will make the task harder but the reward even much sweeter.

9.       Have fun. Your resolution should not be a punishment, it should be a step or set of steps to becoming a better person. With that in mind, the process should be enjoyed as much as possible and not endured. Endurance gives room for relapse and you wouldn’t want to start over a process you endured next year, would you?

10.   Let go. A lot of things or people or situations would want to prevent you from making a resolution, let them go. A lot of excuses would come up along the way to slow you down, derail you, or send you in the wrong direction. Identify them and let them go. You don’t need anchors to slow your ship when it wishes to sail (except if your resolution is to stop sailing, then anchorage is allowed).

A resolution should not be a competition but it can make you more competitive. It’s you against yourself. You have nothing to prove to anybody but yourself (ok! Maybe your spouse).

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Strange and familiar things

That old familiar obsession,

Of things taken for granted

And stolen moments lost.

That strange familiarity,

Which time can never diffuse,

Nor absence, extinguish.

That familiar obsession ,

Of lust and desire ever burning

And passions never satisfied.

That familiar tune,

To which we all dance

Albeit, involuntarily

To the rhythm of love,

And this strange rhythm

Of muscular contractions

From the vision to the motion.

If love had a tune,

If music had a heart,

And we all opened ourselves

To listen to the words and rhythm,

To dance the shameless dance

And ignore rude loudness

Of condescending authority.

The samba and the strings

And gyrating hips,

And the undulating in the loins of virility,

In perfect harmony.

Like our hearts would unite.

That old familiar sound,

Never forgotten

Forever embraced

Always out of reach.

That new taste

Of fluids that arouse the senses

And only shared by two

Music, food and dance,

All in unison

As if all are one

Yet none is the other.

That present yearning,

Of a long lost hope

And a hope still smouldering,

In it, the yearning fuels itself.

It will happen one day

In a combustion of everything,

Perhaps too much for a single event,

Too heavy for a single heart

Or a million hearts thereof.

It will happen so fast

And after which nothing is left behind

But pure bliss.