The hearts we broke

The things that broke us.

Words  spoken,

Actions that hurt, 

The hearts we broke

The things that mould us 

Words unspoken 

Friction and unease  

Tension in-between. 

Reactions will be questioned 

Motives, revealed 

Whethert true or not 

The mind will believe what it will 

In the presence of all evidence 

The actions of man still decieve 

Tears will fall 

As pieces are shattered 

Of what was once love 

Of what was once trust 

Questions unanswered 

As two lovers go there separate ways

One filling lost 

The other wonders on.

The hearts we broke 

Known and unknown

Cry out at night 

And keep us from sleep.

The kid in You

Have you ever noticed how little children fight for some level of independence from their parents even if it's just to play ? Have you observed how they run around and often glance around in search of their parents while they play? Have you seen their reaction when they fall and are about to cry? They still look around for their parents. They actually expect their parents to be watching and ready to offer some help or consolation, or sometimes with fear for the spanking to come.
This actually reminds you of you, right? Not when you were a child but right now, as an adult. You have won the battle of independence from your parents and you are enjoying your life. And for those whose parents are still alive and in good terms with them, they would tell you that they talk to their parents once in a while. Of course they won't always run to mama or papa when the chips are down, they have grown to the point where they deal with whatever comes their way. That is adulthood right? But you would agree that from time to time, you find yourself longing for the responsibility to be taken from.you, or for the approval they gave you that showed and reassured you that you were on the right path.
You still long for that parent figure from time to time, sometimes from people who are not your parents or in any way or right, positioned to be your care giver or guardian.
That's just the kid in you, the kid in us. And no matter how old we are, how strong we think we are, at some point you will have that longing, the difference is, will you act on it?

RICH KID POOR KID

This is not like the rich dad poor dad episode, this is the reality of some lives around you, all over the world. This is the evidence of polarity and discrimination that can never be erased or destroyed, at least not in our life time. Not because we (this generation and many generations before ours) have not tried, but simply because it is what it is. This is life.

RICH KID:

Goes to the best schools available from infancy, intelligence is not in question, he excels, some say because of the enabling environment he finds himself in, others, because he is naturally gifted and still others because his parents have paid the price and bought excellence for him. He graduates at a very young age because his schools do not go on strike and comes back to the country to integrate and know his roots and his people. He is extravagantly rewarded on his return, with a certificate in hand, the minimum requirement for any graduate, but he has more. Even when he was “abroad” he won several local and international scholarships, many would say he didn’t deserve it or more importantly, he didn’t need it. He got it nonetheless. His return is coloured with fun-fare and a contract of employment in one of the top companies in the industry of his interest. The top of his worries is the traffic and the harshness of the Nigerian sun on his very delicate skin.

POOR KID:

Attends a public school until the level of corruption in it pushes his parents to withdraw him from the public school to a very expensive private school in the country. After a few years he drops out because his parents can no longer afford the fees. He manages to seat for entrance examinations to the unity schools with affordable fees although it is very far-away from home. He survives the harshness of the local boarding school system and is successful in all his certificate exams. His return home is greeted with a list of expectations as his parents have both retired from the country’s civil service and are expecting their pension and gratuity (if it ever comes). He scores high in the matriculation exam, but he knows no one in the university admin office to push his admission through even after he scored way above the schools cut off mark. He finally gets the admission albeit after 3 attempts to study the course of his dreams. His stay in school is frustrated by lack of infrastructure, strikes and lecturers trying to sell hand-outs to pass their course. He survives this and graduates. The expectations are even higher from home but he knows now that he has to get, not just any job but a good job to take of his ageing and ailing parents and to elevate his status. Maybe he would break in to the elite group and buy a house on the island or ikoyi. The top of his worries? How long will he have to continue like this?

It is not a level playing ground. Never was and never will. Strength, however is required to break in to the upper echelons of the society and more strength to remain there. 

Be

What to be
Its easy
Good or bad
Evil is much deeper
But only one
Not both
Good is good
Bad is good
Evil is better
Be good
Or be evil
Be the best however
At being whatever
But be
The good in evil
Or the evil in good
There is no middle ground
Be

HOW TO AVOID BEING "YABBED" BY YOUR PEERS

Yab (slang): (v) making jest or fun of someone usually in a fun way e.g. basket mouth can yab. 
The art of yabbing has being a source of social integration among men so much so it stands as a ritual of some sort for recruiting or initiating strangers into the league of friends. Among men who have known each other for a while, this is very common. Men, unlike females do not take offence when being insulted by their peers especially in  a social and friendly gathering, this makes yabbing acceptable but it could be a problem when what they say seems more believable and it starts happening too often. The irony of yabbing is that any thing or person can be used to yab you. Your girlfriend, job, body feature, failures or even success can be used to yab.Yabbing is a part of most conversations involving young men and is often restricted to ‘members’ of the park. The fact remains that to survive in these circles of friendship you have to grow some sort of thick skin towards these harsh words thrown your way. Most would liken yabbing to psychological bullying among grown men. To completely avoid it is often impossible and could result in ‘expulsion’ from the park or a general coldness of your men towards you and violent attacks or physical assault is often punished by a group beating. In these sceneries, the weakest or smallest member of the park yabs a much bigger friend to the point of infuriating him and he loses his cool and wants to attack this minnow who has defeated him in a simple mind and word game. This stage is usually nipped by other members and a brief moment of reflection commences before the routine yabs begin again. However, to avoid being the yabbed most, here are a few tips.
1.Silence is not key. Keeping quiet in these situations doesn’t help much. Its like being in a boxing ring and just resort to receiving all the punches your opponent throws at you.
2.Evade as much as possible, look for other members who are worse than yourself with respect to the topic of the yab or can be potential prey for the next line of attack.
3.Laugh out loudest. This would throw your attacker of balance for a short period while others would be shocked and join in in the laughter session
4.Yab yourself first. This is the oldest trick in the book. If you use your flaws against yourself, no one will be able to use it against you.
5.Make sure your retorts and response and short and direct and as much as possible more hilarious than that of your attacker, you would have scored more points using fewer seconds to yab than to spend a whole minute and ending up with a dry joke. Be mean, aggressive and merciless when responding, if need be, hit below the belt. This is not a fair game so don’t play fair. Include words like "thick" and "hefty" to buttress your point.
6.When you notice everyone is on your case, escape, excuse yourself and take a breather. By the time you return, the attention would be on something or someone else
7.When such gatherings are anticipated, encourage your friends to come with their girlfriends or spouses, men tend to behave better in the presence of their significant other. You would encourage a yab free gathering, especially when you have no aces up your sleeve or you are just not good at yabbing others.
8.Observe all your friends closely and take notes, exaggerate their flaws and mimic them in the worst possible way and that way your yabs would hit home faster. Be graphic and explicit.
9.Blend in with the lead yabber at any point, side with the winning team, if they are not your favorite person, when you attack, it is sure to penetrate deeper and be as shocking as any surprise attack.
10.Finally, do not take a yab personal. It’s just fun and if you can’t handle it, it doesn’t make you any less of a man. If you don’t want to be yabbed, do not yab others (or laugh when others are yabbed).
Till the next we meet on “HOW TO”, stay yab free and happy.

HOW TO “NOT GET CAUGHT”: a guide on how to cheat (and not be cheated on) successfully

Notice: before you continue to read, take note.

This piece does not encourage cheating by any partner. If you want to cheat, be single.

This is neither a professional nor personal advice.

I would like you to take a deep breath, close your eyes and picture that person you love the most (if you are in a relationship with them already) or the person you would love to date. Your heart should skip a beat or something like that. In all honesty, it is only you who knows how that person makes you feel and why you want to be with them. So why is this article important? Well, because we are all human beings and we are all weaker than we would like to admit (male and female). The power of love has nothing to do with the passion and intensity of lust at its peak.

So may be, once or twice you have decided to put your hands into someone else cookie jar and it still did not diminish your love for your partner (if that is ever possible) and you find yourself always going back to have a taste of that forbidden fruit. You begin to invest in this affair in more than one way, how do you preserve your love for your “real” partner till you figure out how to overcome your basal needs and return to the arms of your one true love? How do you keep the flame of this affair burning till it burns out and you can run back to the arms of your partner without any guilt?

There is no short cut. If there is no guilt, there is no love. Now, the other question is can you live with the guilt? I will skip through all the personal karma and what nots and go straight to how to appear like an angel to your partner even when you are still cheating on them (not professional or personal).

The techniques discussed below would be most effective if you and your partner do not live in the same house.

1.       Reserve energy. No matter how intense the flames of desire burns, do not and I repeat, do not invest much energy in it. Always have a reserve so as not to get attached to this said fling and also to avoid the error of “I am tired, I am exhausted or I am not in the mood”. These words are a red flag, and show you have been ploughing in someone else farm. Try not to go overboard in trying to woo or impress a fling. Do not buy gifts for them or a new cloth for yourself when it is not a festive season. Never fix 2 dates on the same day or at the same venue.

2.       Information. Always let your partner know your whereabouts. If you want to go to a hotel tell your partner what hotel you are going to. Always keep the communication channel open and never let them have a feeling that you are hiding something. Do not be discreet. Reveal as much as you can but enough to douse any doubt or extinguish suspicion.

3.       Alibi. When you cheat, you have to lie, so if you want to lie, do not just tell a lie, live a lie. Get yourself an alibi that holds and you will enjoy your affair with no iota of guilt. So as not to overdo it, here is a tip. Do not let all your alibi be perfect, let your partner catch you on some occasions. A lesser evil than what you are into could suffice and still make you look human. A drink with the boys, a shopping spree, a night of partying, anything but the truth. If it is always work and business, that also is a red flag.

4.       Memory. Never forget anything, especially not to the detriment of your “real” relationship. Dates, venues and time. Names of alibi must always check and be easy to remember. Write it down if you must in a diary for quick reference. A good way to never forget is to keep it simple.

5.       Deny. This is the last technique as handed down for many years. As a popular 90’s song goes “it wasn’t me”. If you have carried out the above techniques well, you won’t have to resort to this except if your partner works for the CIA , like Schwarznegger did in true lies or in the movie unfaithful where Richard Gere hires a private detective  to follow his wife around. In that case, even the “deny” skill won’t help you.

Once you get caught, you have to weigh your options and choose wisely for yourself the lesser evil or punishment, or just live with the consequences. Why did you engage in the affair in the first place? (Sorry! Judgemental me again).

This information is both educative (I guess) and revealing. If you follow the techniques backwards, you would be able to find out if your partner is cheating on you or not. As I have said before, all men are not cheats or dogs and all ladies are not sluts, but just to be sure you are protected, know these techniques and watch for the signs that he or she puts out there intentionally to mislead you. Did I hear litmus test? No! There is no litmus test, a cheat is slippery and slimy and difficult to catch and sometimes you just have to go with your gut feeling.  Most importantly try and not be too paranoid. Know your worth and invest in a good relationship. No one deserves to be on the receiving end of a heartbreak caused by an unfaithful partner.

 The only way not to get caught is not to commit...

Don't Impress Her

That doesn’t sound right, does it? Why shouldn’t she be impressed or why shouldn’t I impress her? Is it that she isn’t worth it? Well it is quite simple. Women are not created to be impressed. They could be impressed by the weirdest stuff that could ever exist. Yes! Most are impressed by material things and a show of wealth and affluence and confidence and all the beautiful things of life, a trip in a private jet to Paris and then to the exquisite island of Bali and a chauffeur driven limo to Buckingham palace to dine with the queen and then to the grand canyon in a hot air balloon. She will be impressed by all these and even more if you are a baddass like Tom Cruise in mission impossible or Bruce Willis in die hard but the truth is if that is not what you are you have just wasted resources and time. Will she be impressed with a white collar job? A routine life? Family? Well there is only one way to find out. Women want to be impressed, most times they would gratify you for impressing them or inflate your ego but along comes a more impressive ‘fella’ and more impressive stunts and there goes your swag. So why shouldn’t you impress a lady. Except she is already yours then impressing her is just... how do I say this nicely, yeah! “very short term”. Most men would impress a lady just so they could... yeah! Sleep with her and it works most of the time. A brief show of affluence will get the lady looking impressively at you and start wondering how the almighty ‘you’ identified a mere human like her gorgeousness to catch her fancy, and the games begin, lies spring up and a relationship built on appearance is born which harms the society more than the 2 wrecked individuals. So if you want someone to impress, impress your spouse or at least your partner. Take her out to dinner on a Tuesday night, switch to Africa magic when your favourite football team is playing a live match, cook indomie and egg for her on Saturday morning, take her to the masseuse on Monday after work and let her know that you will not take her for granted.
It is not rocket science, at the same time nobody knows what a woman wants. Nobody, not even the women themselves know. It is complicated like that so I suggest we try to simplify it as much as we can. Things have changed and the human specie has evolved on a very large scale on the deception front, so when it is obvious that you are trying to impress a damsel, it could send the wrong “short term” signal to her. Women sense these things and are more impressed nonetheless when you don’t make it your duty to sweep her off her feet. She could like a person for the strangest reason and I am not referring to the superficial broads who just want to play dress-up all their life. A real lady would love you for just being you and not for doing things that are not you. 
If you are still trying to woo her, it is very simple. Be yourself. Everyone will not date a model or the hottest chick or the daughter of Aliko or Fashola. It’s just one person for each of those girls and to be honest there are a lot of beautiful girls out there just waiting to be loved for who they are. So why kill your pocket over the girl you may not get? Or let’s assume you get her, she has so much baggage than you can handle.
I may sound ‘old school’, but that’s the true way of doing things. And when you find that lady you should impress, impress the shit out of her and as I said, let her feel that you are indeed worth waiting for. It is not a race so there is no rush. Do not impress her before you need to impress her.  The only way to impress her before you get her to be your woman would be to love her; you would look very foolish doing that but that is only if you truly love her.