IN THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON I SHARE THIS VERY PERSONAL LETTER...
** THE NAMES USED HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR PRIVACY PURPOSES
THE LETTER
I wish that for once I would be able to write down how I feel sometimes. Right now, I feel so drained!!! My boyfriend just told me that I’m making things difficult for his next girlfriend and that was meant to be a compliment!!! This is someone I really hoped, dreamt of a future with me the way I did with him. It’s just so sad that life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to. If wishes where horses, Victoria will spend the rest of her life with Patrick. But too bad, it’s not mine to decide, never was, will never be
In a few weeks time, I’ll be out of this school for good and many questions keep popping up: what will be my fate? Should I hold on? If I do, will I be able to trust him? More importantly, will I be able to trust myself? Will the distance affect our relationship? Somehow I know the answers to these questions but I think I’m in denial. I find it very difficult to let go. Though I know I can’t have it forever, I keep holding on till the dying minute. So here comes the million dollar question, when is the dying minute? When will there be nothing left to salvage of our relationship? When will it be all over? How would we decide that? How will I feel when this time comes? These questions, I can’t answer.
God! How was he able to make me fall so deeply in love with him/ how did it happen? When? Why can’t I just tell myself the truth and walk away? I don’t know1 all I want is to love and be loved back! All I want is to share my dreams and future with him! All I want is to have his kids! Is that too much to ask for? Apparently, yes, Victoria, it is. We are talking about a lifetime commitment here, so, yes it is too much to ask for.
Well, I’m just going to put the ball in his court and let him play it in any direction he wants to. Yeah! I know, you might say that I’m being a fool for him but what can I say, he deserves it. He is just absolutely the best guy I’ve ever known. He is my Pat.
feel free to drop a comment... really appreciated.
my advice:dont make this blog all about one long sad love story -it can be dreary - plus u can do better. try reach out to other bloggers to try get new perspective. i know 'cos i've loved and lost too...but dwellin on it, reliving the experience, holding on (in whatever guise) is not the wisest thing to do. pastor TD Jakes says "let it go!" 'cos truth-be-told it is 'their' loss who dont know/love ya!
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