THOSE WORDS...

She cried herself to sleep again and promised herself never to pass through such misery again. The words she said she could not take back. The feelings she made bare, her soul she poured out. Not a signal was made to make her aware of the sacrifice she was to make and indeed how unprepared she was. To speak or not to speak, she kept on churning and ruminating as she tried to make sense of the events that just unfolded before her eyes. It was a decision she had thoroughly thought out and repeatedly executed in her mind. Reality, on the other hand had many other variables she had not deemed necessary to factor in. a recipe for disaster? Well a disaster might be an understatement because she now had nothing else to say, nothing else to offer. This was her one chance, her only opportunity and she blew it. Was it ever going to be the same? Would she have the courage to try again? Were the wounds ever going to heal?
The words she said were raw, pure and well rehearsed. She had no intention of being misinterpreted. She wanted to speak from her heart. She spoke, but the words never came out. Her voice failed her when she waited it to be heard and her heart was exploding with words that were never heard. Her body shivered as she tried to gather some semblance of composure. Little pellets of perspiration trickled down her forehead and she could feel her armpit soak. ‘where did my confidence go?’, she asked herself. She turned and walked away, she ran away. Where the energy came from,she knows not, but she ran an she quizzed herself, she questioned her heart. But the answers lay not within but out there where her voice was needed. The response she wanted was never going to happen. The words she wanted to hear were never going to be said to her. What did she expect? It was her expectations that had let her down and she had but herself to blame. Even now, blame was useless. The resolution of the inner battle was going to take time and she knew she was going to lose even that. The feelings were gone against her will, she remained broken, the words were not said and the words she expected to hear…