I UNDERSTAND.

I finally get it. I understand that my actions have been precipitated by certain subconscious reflexes, ‘the way I was brought up’ is the common dialect to explain that, but it has more to do with the way I perceive(d) things and was made to attach importance to them. A good name, I was told and indeed (made to) believe is more precious than silver and gold; and even if I can’t make a name for myself, I must strive not to destroy (the name) someone else, laboured over the years, tirelessly to create and establish- a family name. I finally get it. I understand that love is not everything and that many times it won’t be reciprocated, by me or others to those who show it; or to the measure to which it is shown. That those we offer our time to do not necessarily deserve it and those who do, do not always get it. That love grows and must be nurtured and guarded, irrespective of passions that could arise. One has to be ‘grown’ and smart about it (love) and it cannot be forced, it comes hand in hand with pain and both cannot be separated. ‘For whom the Lord loves, he chastises...’ (Heb 12:6) I finally get it. I understand that our paths in life may cross, maybe more than once but if truly given to God to navigate, I may not understand at the time, but I can be rest assured that my life is on the right track. And I will make mistakes, maybe more than once, and fail one too many times, i would hope and be disappointed by people (especially people I love) and events, but unless my life and eventual death is meaningless, each mistake, disappointment and failure has a purpose and a message. I may not have any ‘principles’, but I will protect my family name I will guard my heart but still allow myself experience love. I will open my life to experiences of failure, disappointments and mistakes, but I won’t dwell in them. I finally get it I understand