Pressure, that’s the word that best describes the feeling a
single lady could have towards the end of the year. Many couples fix their
weddings and engagements around the holiday season (why do they do that?), so
from early November to mid march, a lot of weddings take place. In this part of
the world where single motherhood is not fully accepted and a lot of religious
bodies frown at co habitation without the proper rites of marriage, this season
could be a horrible period for ladies especially if they are surrounded by
friends who are getting married or who are already married. With the year
coming to an end and still no ring this is a sure guide to get you a man (if
you don’t have at all) or get your man (if you are sure he is your man) to pop
the question before the end of next year.
First, it is very easy to get a man. Men are like monkeys,
they want the banana so much that they don’t mind getting caged for it (it has
to be a really big comfortable cage though), and funny enough all women have
the banana men want (at least the straight men). The first thing a man looks at
is you, your body, your poise and grace and elegance and beauty. If he is a
“T-shirt and Denim” guy, dress like a “T- shirt and Denim” chick. Or to cut a
long story short, obey the rules of attraction.
Next, if you are single (I am guessing you are), don’t
appear otherwise, but please and please don’t appear desperate, that is the
man’s role and desperation looks really bad on females. Hanging out a lot with
married women or men too is a not too good approach. Single men hang around
single men except you want to “steal” someone else’s man, then good luck to
you. Plus, single men want to be around single ladies, and believe it when I
tell you but every man is looking for a lady to take home to mama. Leave the attitude at home as often as
possible but do not compromise your values. Mr. Perfect does not exist and
Hollywood is trying to correct the mistakes of M& B type romance novels
that brainwashed a lot of teenage girls(now ladies).
Do not waste your time with a player, do not be in a hurry
to define it, though if he hasn’t defined it after let’s say 2 months then I
think you are free to ask him what you guys are doing and where this is
heading.
Sex is a very difficult topic and more so because of varied
ideologies on the topics especially before marriage. I would simply say don’t
do it if you don’t want to. Sex won’t keep a man. So don’t let it be your only
card. If he likes you enough, he will compromise on certain aspects and believe
me, men can do without sex much longer than they would have you believe (that
is not on any authority though). If the sex is present and active, enjoy it,
but do not think you are giving him anything special. Its either you want to
have sex or not, never offer sex as a way into his heart (maybe pocket, but
never heart).
Men love food, or drinks, but more often food than drinks.
Cooking is a lovely way to win his heart, but not too soon before you turn to
his free “iya basira”. Before you think of cooking for him, he must have hinted
at some form of long term relationship. Please its important you do the
cooking, better still cook in his presence, if you end up getting married, he
would have to help one way or the other in that department, we are Africans but
these are modern times (sadly). If he can cook, allow him cook for you; that
should be a good way to bond.
Many ladies default in the aspect of being real, real with
expectations and real with who they are. He may not have a car, or a fat bank
account or the job at an oil company, you want that, and I am sure he also
wants that, the reality, however is not one that allows for wishful thinking.
Some people are fortunate to have it all, while others have to work their way
up the corporate ladder to achieve success and financial security. Whatever you
feel you deserve from life, add a little bit of reality and leave the Hollywood
stories in Hollywood.
Finally, marriage is not the end. It is, however a beginning
of a life long journey, in which your life and that of your partner has to be
most times in sync with each other. Do not rush into it because your “bffs” are
all married. Take your time and ask yourself if marriage is what you want. Ask
God to guide you and try not to whore around before you are ready in the name
of “enjoying your youth”. It could work for some, but not so much for others.
Plus Karma is one hell of a b!&#h. Do not lead men on just to prove to
yourself that “you still gat it”.
It is safe to believe in love, however, do not be naive cos
some monkeys would just run away once they get the banana and have you
wondering why they left the comfort of the cage you created for them
PS: do not take this as professional advice.
Why shouldn't I take it as a professional advice?
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